Great Expectations

The novel Great Expectations centers around a character named Pip. I am not sure if I like the title best, the names of the characters involved or the story itself. But who wouldn't want to live in a world populated by people named Pip, Miss Havisham, Abel Magwitch, Jaggers, Wemmick, Biddy and Uncle Pumblechook? Thats not even a full list - just all I am willing to list. However it's the title that has always intrigued me - Great Expectations, because I expect great things to happen.

Until they don't.

Then I don't know quite what to do. I know things don't always work out the way I plan, but I still take it as a personal affront when they don't.

While in the course of living my life I have discovered frogs stay frogs, the end of the rainbow is often just the end of the rainbow and a handsome prince comes with a mortgage, diapers and occasional mayhem.

Again, not what I thought. My Great Expectations have always been just a tad (or a mile) above what actually occurs. Which leaves me breathlessly critiquing everything I do using my third grade teachers BIG red pencil to correct mistakes so everyone knows I fell short.

My life is covered with big red pencil marks....self inflicted.....for all the world to see.

So is anyone surprised that after almost a year of working out with weights, straps, machines, wall balls, slam balls, pushing boxes across the floor, holding a plank and slamming heavy ropes I am DISAPPOINTED that my weight loss can be measured with a teaspoon?

And this is where it gets dicey. I am so much stronger, my lab numbers are good, my knee doesn't hurt, in fact nothing hurts. When I get up from a chair I spring up from the chair. But my weight hasn't budged. Not being a science denier I know the formula, less calories in more calories out equals weight loss. I do a lot of calories out...but I also do a lot of calories in. That's right, I eat too much and with medication that slows me down to sloth pace, being older and surrounded by food all the time are reasons why it has been so hard.

I felt like I failed....

But did I?

I have stuck with an exercise program for almost a year and experienced leg strength to a point my knee no longer hurts. I can pick up heavy trays, crates and boxes I couldn't even budge a year after my surgery. When I started exercising my core was non existent. I could only do a few setups and now I can do 60 without thinking about it. I can hold a plank over a minute 3 times in a row and literally pop up from a chair due to never-ending squats from a box holding weights. Open heart surgery is a way bigger deal than I thought, and getting my strength back has been hard. When I first got home from the hospital just walking to the kitchen was the impossible dream. Today I am SO MUCH BETTER!! But I am not thin, I'm not even much thinner, and I expected to be thinner and that seems to be my only benchmark. I guess for all my bravado being thin was what I really wanted, not just being healthy and strong. My expectations certainly ruled the day. Although I did want to be stronger and more fit, I really wanted to LOOK stronger and more fit. The problem with expectations is they tend to be a bit disingenuous. We expect things from a vacation, a marriage, children, friends, or a workout plan that often cannot realistically be delivered. But what we are given in our journey is often much better than what OUR plan was. The last year has been filled with personal accomplishments I thought were behind me. Yet I proved to myself I can still do tough physical things. I can lift heavy weights, I can do squats and push ups and pull ups and and I can work out around people half my age and call it good. And if I can do this I can other things I want to do. It is not too late! I love my trainers and friends at Xuberance who never stop trying to help me and have made sure I am safe every time I work out. I can push myself to the edge of the cliff because I know they will catch me.

So I am taking this template to everything in my life. What else have I applied an expectation to and then didn't appreciate where the road led me instead?  Have I been grateful for my life even though it doesn't include the retirement plan I wanted? Open heart surgery is a pretty big bump in the road, but have I appreciated the fact I survived? And all the experiences connected to that survival? Financial ruin is horrible but do I remember the miracles we have experienced while climbing out of that abyss? Yes difficult things have occurred in my life but tremendous things have won the day each time.

I believe this is the same for everyone. Each person I know has a story to tell that will inspire and motivate. And I am talking to you....you are an inspiration. Start writing your story and see if I am not right. And while you are writing find the good in every bad thing that has happened to you. See if it doesn't turn your thinking around, if not your life. I love this quote about ships not being made for the  Harbor

You aren't made for the Harbor either....get out there on the open sea and find out what you are made of!!
Carpe Diem!!!!