Vacations Should Be Celebrated!!

Vacations should be celebrated...and the memories shared.

We started in Charleston South Carolina.  My daughter was living there for the summer so we caught up with her and happily let her show us the city. This was the first place of many where I took "before" shots.  I am thinking there might be a diet intervention for me soon.

First place always has to be to the water...... a faraway picture of Fort Sumpter where the Civil War began.

Then we stopped at the African Episcopal Methodist Church to pay our respects.  Ashleigh moved to Charleston 2 days before the murders and lived only a mile from the Church.  The front is covered in flowers and there is a feeling of peace and hope there.  The incredible act of forgiveness on the part of the victims families is what diffused this unimaginable experience....simple forgiveness.  Justice must be served and they will continue to miss and grieve for their family members.  But because they forgave, the healing will be easier to access and pain is somewhat lessended. The city of  Charleston embraced this church and it's members, you can see "Charleston Strong" on sides of buildings everywhere.

My husband added his name to this enormous wooden emblem which doubled as a card so to say.

This picture was a random shot I was so blessed to take.  Two men meeting for the first time and then taking a moment to pray together.  Completely spontaneous and beautiful.

I watched the "Blue Moon" come up over the ocean at dusk.

The next day we took some time to explore Charleston....the yards, architecture and flowers were exactly what I expected from this centuries old city.  My husband who loves Crepe Myrtles was in heaven as every home seemed to have one!

 All kind of architecture...and churches everywhere.  It is called the "Holy City"

Even the jail was interesting....Creepy but interesting

 On to Magnolia Plantation....

The gardens were beautiful.....

 I felt like I was in a Pat Conroy novel....Or Nicholas Sparks?  My husband just kept looking for alligators.

And then the drive up the coast with a stop at a Cracker Barrel for the best biscuits I have ever had. We had the cutest waitress in North Carolina who added to her appeal by bringing extra biscuits.  She whispered in my ear how lucky we were that the best biscuit maker was working at the time....Biscuit bliss.

Then on to New Jersey for the family reunion.  It was quite sad because Grandpop wasn't there....he passed away 2 weeks before.  He and his brothers and sisters were the first generation from Italy.  Both sets of my husbands grandparents were born in Italy and came through Ellis Island.  They didn't know how to speak English, where to live or where to find work.  But they did it, and their history is inspiring.....in less than 100 years this family has produced artists, judges, engineers, businessmen, entrepreneurs, teachers, editors and lots of children!!  

Thank you Remo Tagliaferri for your incredible life.

Everyone just enjoys being together.....my niece Krystle made pasta by hand for everyone....it might have been hard work, but it was so worth it!!

 My Son-in-law Kacy is an honorary Italian

 Lots of very happy, sweet people

The next day we were off to explore New York City.  Look at this fascinating project.  The old "L" is no longer used. Remember the train above the street? So instead of tearing it down New York has made it into a park.  They call it the High Line and it is located on the west side of Manhattan.

The path through the High Line is 1.45 miles long and follows the old railroad tracks with flowers and trees on either side of it. There are lots of benches along the way to sit and just enjoy it all.

You can see the tracks through the whole project...as a County Planning Commissioner I am always impressed with this kind of ingenuity.  It was totally unexpected, and incredibly beautiful.  Only when I looked over the side did I remember we were really in the city.

This is the view from my daughter and son-in-law's apartment, they moved there in May right after they were married.  On this night we rode the ferry back.....shades of "Working Girl"

The next morning we took the same picture, but in the light, then took the bus into the city.

 Raymond wanted to see the view of the city from the top of the Freedom Tower so we spent some time at the 9/11 memorial again before. This picture is an example of the constant care that is given to the names of those murdered on 9/11 at the Memorial. It is interesting to me to see the faces of those who come to the memorial, it is still  an inconceivable act.  When you look into the memorial the enormity of it all simply takes your breath away.  

   The view from the top of the Freedom Tower                                      

We rarely miss an opportunity to visit Little Italy which is also known as the land of Cannolis

Da Genaro Restaurant for Pizza and Calamari...on vacation food has to be exactly what you want, and you can order anything! The fresh Bread with Olive Oil, Basil, Parmesan and garlic was amazing.  I wanted to put it behind my ears it smelled and tasted so good.

Then a people crushing ride on the subway. Hot, crowded, impossible to breathe...but we were going to Yankee Stadium...who cares?  It was a Bucket List game...Yankees versus the Red Sox!!

The game wasn't very exciting, and then I think first baseman Mark Teixeira looked up behind first base and said, "Hey, the Tagliaferri's are here we better step up our game!" Those boys in the pinstripes rode that inspiration and won the game with several home runs and an incredible score of 13-3!  Winning the bucket list game?  Nothing better.

The next day we explored around where my daughter works. So we went to St. Patricks Cathedral, Rockefeller Plaza, Saks Fifth Avenue and Magnolia Bakery.

 On our way to the theatre, (I just love saying that) more pictures of the city.  The lights, the people...the constant bustle....it truly never sleeps, or slows down for that matter.

We were able to see Matilda....and I think we saw the very best Matilda (there are 3 of course) the talent is hard to believe.  Children singing like angels, comedic timing...fun dialog.  We loved every second of it.  The theatre was perfect, the acoustics were perfect, fabulous night.  My husband wanted to buy some bottled water in the lobby and when he was shocked with the 5 dollar price, the guy said, "Welcome to Broadway!!"  

Bliss on Broadway

And then my final shot of New York City.  A city that can frustrate you when you get on the wrong subway, or realize blocks in New York are way longer than the ones back home....you will go broke with how expensive it all is and wonder how no one ever stops.  But it has a rhythm you cannot deny with a pull to come back and do it all over again.

Has this ever happened to you?

When you are addicted to channel surfing and the remote is broken frustration abounds.  My husband scowled at me as though the broken remote was my fault and insisted I call the Dish folks.

We were somewhere between a full on tantrum and a stroke.

I went on the computer to find the number to DISH, and when I got them on the phone I told them my problem.  Then they told me their problem, our account was nowhere to be found, not by name, address or phone number.

Seriously?

"Ma'am, how do you pay your bill?  Your account number would be on the bill."

"My bill is bundled with the internet and land line, I never see the bill.  I gave you my name why can't you find my account number?"

"Ma'am go to your receiver and tell me the serial number."

"No, the cord is too short to turn it around on the shelf.  Why can't you just find my account number by my name, this makes no sense"

By now my dogs are under the couch.

"Ma'am hit the menu button twice and when system info comes up the serial number will also."

"That does not occur when I hit the menu button, there isn't a system info on my screen."

"Ma'am what do you see on your screen?"

"It says, My Direct TV, search and browse, recordings, settings and info"

"It says My Direct TV?  Ma'am this is DISH Network."

Oh no....

So I said the only thing I could think of.

"Well, I guess that is why you couldn't find my account number, I am so glad I finally figured this out. Thank you....good-bye"

A Little Marriage Advice....

Flowers by Ray Ray - Kelly Andrews wedding

Today is my anniversary....I have done the impossible for 36 years.  Ginger Rodgers said, "I do everything Fred Astaire does, only I do it backwards, and in heels."  I'm not minimizing my husband in our marriage because, he has done plenty of dancing and has spent a lot of time tryng to dodge my "heels".   Not wanting to make the plans for today,  I mentioned it was an even year and he was in charge of what we do.  Even with that I did suggest we go to the Bellagio for lunch.  Immediately he said, "The Bellagio Buffet!"  to which I said, "no buffet, I hate buffets, I eat too much and I feel like a tick afterward"

We ate at the buffet.  It's an even year.

Lesson 1.  Pick your battles. Most annoying things aren't nearly as annoying as you think.  Just start chanting in your head.  Insisting on being right all the time isn't as satisfying as you may think.  Sometimes just being quiet is a very good thing.

Lesson 2. To my gay and lesbian friends advice to you is the same as for anyone else. You have now gone from a comitted relationship to an institution with a 60% chance of failure.  The heterosexuals haven't been great with it.  I can help my gay friends with advice but not my lesbian friends, I am too conflicted since I think the woman is always right.  So lesson #2 is be loyal, in everything.  Don't say negative things about your husband to your mom, or complain about your wife to the family.

Lesson 3. Remember normal is only normal if it is your normal.  In our house I watch football and my husband watches the Barefoot Contessa.  I like to write, he arranges flowers, and I kill the bugs.

Lesson 4.  To the newly married....if anyone tells you not to go to bed angry....ignore them!  I cannot think of a worse time to fight or discuss, than when you are exhausted.  And most importantly when your spouse is going nuts, yelling and out of control, don't believe a single thing they say.  No one tells the truth when they are in "the vortex".  Might as well start chanting in your head again.

Lesson 5. To my friends with a suddenly empty nest,  don't panic and thnk you won't have anything to say to your spouse..  The kids will be back....there aren't any jobs out there they can support themselves with.  Problem solved you still don't have to talk.

Leson 6. To my retired friends.  Respect space because everyone needs time to think.  But more than that stay married.  The grass isn't greener., the men aren't better somewhere else and the women aren't prettier.  If you are having problems find a therapist work it out and then ride it out, it at all possible. Dare to believe you might be part of the problem.

Today I looked at my husband and said, "I would marry you again."  He said, "me too."

That's all I can ask.  And next year is an odd year, no buffet.

The Wedding!!

My daughter was married in May...to a wonderful young man.....

It was the most beautiful day, ever....our weather can be very tricky in May.  Maybe 110, or horribly windy...but not this day....it was perfect.  

My beautiful Daughters

My children with the bride and groom

Her Brothers

Of Course there are bridesmaids!!

Joy!! 

Their adorable little nieces

Time for the reception!!

It was such a happy day...

childhood friends who came a long, long way to celebrate with her

First Dance

And then everyone danced!!

Father, daughter dance to "That's Amore!" 

Thank goodness for my sister-in-law and niece, they taught us how to make the Cannolis!!

It did become too much for some

The reception started at 6:30 but it didn't get dark until almost 8

Just so happy...

The sparklers for the send off...a fireworks show and the DJ played "New York New York" since that is where they are living now.  

Happy Father's Day Daddy

Every little girl loves her daddy, it's a time before relationships get complicated.  I remember when my relationship with my father wasn't complicated. It's odd that my memories are so clear from about  the time I am 3 to 6 years old.  If they weren't my memories I might doubt their authenticity, but it was a stormy time for a little kid and the scenes of my parents arguing, check that, screaming at airport level decibels is indelibly entrenched in my little girl brain.  When they finally had enough of it all my mother woke me up late one night and said we were leaving.  Everything was packed and we got in her pink cadillac to stay with my grandmother.  I didn't know at the time that she didn't even leave a note, we just drove off into the dark Texas night without telling anyone where we were going. What torture that must have been for my dad, and confusion for me, after all I woke up in Louisiana.  I remember bits and pieces of that time, but not once do I remember talking with my dad, my mother had cut him off completely.  Later in life someone told me she called to say I was in the hospital with pneumonia and then hung up.  What a mess they were.  I don't know exactly how long we stayed there, but after awhile we got back in the pink cadillac and drove all the way to Alaska.  My Aunt Pee Wee (yes that is her name) had a health club there and my mother was going to work for her.  Of course.

I went from Texas to Louisiana to Fairbanks Alaska......Only Astronauts have similar experiences.

My mothers alcoholism escalated in Alaska, those memories of her are very clear.  When it all became too much for her, she contacted my father and told him she couldn't take care of me any more.  I didn't know this at the time but they came to a business arrangement.  He would pay her twenty thousand dollars for full custody so he sold everything he could and I said good bye to Alaska.

I remember that day very well.  I wore a pink dress and had 2 stuffed animals that were both rabbits (?).  We went for BBQ right before I got on the plane which I promptly spilled all over my pink dress....can you imagine my mother's frustration?  Not a great farewell moment.  Then at the airport, walking up the stairs to get on the plane I turned around to look at my mother one more time.  That memory still brings tears to my eyes.  What must it have been like for her? My first plane ride ever was that day, from Fairbanks Alaska to Seattle Washington where my father was going to meet me.  Since I was traveling alone, and I was 6, there was a woman sent to watch over me.  She didn't say much, but she had this look of pity on her face...funny what I remember.

 When they opened the doors of the plane after we landed in Seattle I could see my dad waiting a little way off, kneeling down with his arms outstretched. It was a  tumultousness time that would soon get even more complicated since my father had remarried, but for that moment....everything was right with the world.  I felt joy....unmitigated joy.  There was my dad!!

Someday I am going to commission an artist to draw this memory I have of him waiting for me.   I wrote in a fathers day card years ago of this memory and told him how much I loved him for it. Since this was all pre-Oprah and no one was aware we needed to face our feelings, he was very uncomfortable and wouldn't discuss it at all.  In his defense it must have been a horrible time for him.

I take this memory out every once in a while and lay it over my life like a transparency.  I let it cover up all the mistakes everyone made, all the hurt and pain. I let this memory of sacrifice and love be the focal point of my childhood. I don't do that enough, so I am doing it today.

Happy Father's Day Daddy, I love you.

Evil must not be allowed to win.

Once again evil appears in the form of a serial killer bent on the destruction of innocent people.  It is never easy to hear about murders, but for them to be in Church, it is cruelest of all.  We want to have a safe place, or think there is a safe place.  But evil appears to be taking all our safe places away.

I am left with a helpless feeling, with no explanation and no sense to be made of it.

10 lives are destroyed.....the shooter being one of them.  And then the trickle down effect of hundreds of people connected to these 10 whose lives will be forever altered.  It all happens in a few short minutes.  The time it takes to get a hamburger or watch a commercial, the amount of time you sit at a red light.....10 lives destroyed.

How does it happen?  Evil makes people blind, they can no longer see right from wrong, under that circumstance this can happen.  Where does evil come from?  It usually comes in small doses from many sources.  Rarely does anyone get up in the morning and say they want to kill someone.  Evil is patient....it whispers, provides articles on hate with the internet providing an amazing avenue, perhaps the influence of friends or maybe organic madness.

I heard discussion on whether or not this was a hate crime.  Murder is a hate crime and every victim should be treated accordingly.  "Hate crime" seems like an oxymoron.  A dear friend went to visit her mother and found her dying in the garage, stabbed by her boyfriend.  How would that not be a hate crime?

I grew up in the South with every Wednesday night being a church night.  Today, this Thursday morning when I heard of this horrific slaughter my thought was a remembrance of Wednesday night church.  And then a spontaneous shudder went over my body.

I don't have enough prayers for the families and friends of these 9 innocent people.  I believe over time they will heal because of the faith they have.  My prayers are also with the family of the shooter who must live with this for the rest of their lives.

But we must not let evil win. There is a tremendous amount of good in this world, I just got a message on Facebook from friends who are serving a mission in Kenya.  They are doing incredible good at a hospital filled with children suffering with leukemia to gunshot wounds to sickle cell to horrible burns.  Cindy and Rod are there loving those children.

There is so much good in the world.  I refuse to let evil win.  Don't you let it either.

Universal Truths...Part 1

There was a time I believed my brain was virtually "all that".  It was smart beyond belief and I believed my thoughts were true....after all, why would my brain lie to me?

But isn't it your brain that sends the message you can make it across the tracks even though a train is clearly approaching?  Messages from your brain come quickly and you need sort them quickly, and it takes practice to understand thoughts are not real.  Recently I found myself in a jam, a big jam.  I believed every thought I was having about this problem, many placed in my head by well meaning parents.  Since we are programmed to believe everything our parents tell us we are at the mercy of some very inaccurate, though apparently noble thinking.  For instance if your parents (and their parents, and their parents etc) taught you to depend on yourself, which is apparently noble, you will not ask for help.  When you do find yourself against a wall, (and everyone does) failure is all you see because you cannot handle the problem yourself, no one can.  If your parents grew up in hard financial times and all they saw were hard financial times, then that vision is what they pass to you.  Have you ever heard the phrase, "I come from a long line of....." You fill in the blank of, doctors, dentists, farmers, policemen, drug addicts, gamblers, alcoholics, ministers, or artists.  The tapes I heard as a child were to never give up, don't reach too high because someone will take it from you, work hard and remember you aren't really that smart.  Also times are always hard, money will always be tight, vacations are for rich folks and working the angles is something everyone does.  There wasn't a shred of abundant thinking, it was all limited in scope, belief and truth. Isn't that called learned behavior?

Those were the tapes that played in my head all the time.  Not always loudly, but always there.  When my life was fairly routine the tapes presented no real problem, but when a real challenge presented itself those tapes were all I had to fall back on.  After all, your parents are never wrong. So you find yourself trying to use information incorporated into your life from generations of people.  Some of it helpful and some destructive.  We find ourselves doing exactly what our parents did, even if it didn't work for them, because we feel powerless to change.  But here is the rub.....I wasn't even aware of what I was doing.
Being faced with a problem too big for me to handle, my apparently noble brain told me I had created it, therefore didn't qualify for help.  So I told no one.  Not until I met Valerie Dimick and began to understand thought patterns did my life begin to improve.  She taught me that my thoughts were not real.  I wrestled with that for a long time...my fears were real, she was wrong....I listened to the thoughts that told me money would soon run out, I needed to find a way to get my couch to the third floor of the apartment building I would soon be living in, and that I had caused the problems therefore I couldn't ask anyone to help.  Weren't those thoughts real?

No, thoughts are not real....you do not have to accept someone else's destiny.

But I was accepting someone else's destiny.  My brain was telling me things taught to parents generations upon generations back, because that is all my brain knew.  I didn't realize mastering my thoughts could change the trajectory of my life.  I did not need to live under the Sword of Damocles, but fear was all I knew.  It had invaded every part of my body with a saturation I have yet to understand.  I believe the reason some soldiers have PTSD is because war uncovers something in them they can't handle.  The trauma of war uncovered that weakness and the disorder appeared. For me, the recession uncovered every fear planted in my being and I experienced my own PTSD.

My thoughts filled me with hopelessness....."times will never get better, I have ruined my future, I deserve this, there is no help for us, we are too old to improve our situation, we should sell everything we love because we don't deserve it."

Although I am very religious I didn't even think I deserved help from God.  All because I did not understand the true nature of God.  The relationship I had with God mimicked the one I had with my earthly father.  I knew my earthly father loved me, but he placed quite a few conditions on that love.  I transferred that experience to Heavenly Father....I believed he was unhappy with me and therefore wouldn't help me which increased my fear and hopelessness.  Valerie helped me understand the true nature of God, which transcends all beliefs.  I now understand that God is not punitive, we cannot disappoint Him.  He doesn't crash airplanes into the side of mountains, or give you a disease...He doesn't dig a hole to push you into it, just to see if you can get out of it.  Earth life does that, which is something every person on this planet has in common.   For all of us this is a place of good and bad, disease and accidents, dishonesty and character. ...If you are free from fear and other negative emotions you can find the positive solutions God has planted in our path, because He wants us to succeed and be happy.....Don't stop reading because I mentioned religion.  Fear and anger suppress our ability to see the solutions that are always there.  It is a Universal Truth.

Even after months of study with Valerie I didn't really believe I could be happy or believe I could change.  But I kept working with her hoping for relief because what she was teaching felt right and felt good.  I so needed relief because the fear I experienced was painful, like a chronic headache.  The anxiety was painful....fear is painful.  Often I heard that the opposite of faith is fear, which drove me deeper into guilt with the obvious conclusion I didn't have faith.  More hours with Valerie patiently and sometimes not so patiently explaining truth.  And the truth is we can choose different thoughts and believe, really believe there is happiness to be had.

I now believe I am the architect of my life.  I make choices that will either drive me away from happiness or toward it.  I shape so many things in my life through my thoughts.
First I choose to believe solutions will appear.  When faced with problems in my prior life I would panic (negative emotion) melt down (negative emotion) and resign myself to hopelessness (almost suicidal reaction)  The replacements for these emotions are .....deep breaths, (shallow breathing really does contribute to panic) forced calmness with a focus on success.  Concentrating on how many ways this can succeed over how many ways it can fail.  I no longer limit myself by saying I am too old or too inexperienced to succeed at what I do.  My thoughts are different, they are positive and peaceful.  I am learning to let go of the past and regrets I have, and to not look to far into the the future which can bring fear, but to love today.  Because today is all I really have.  

Do I regress?  Of course I do.  But to help the regression be as brief as possible I read uplifting books, right now I am reading "For Times of Trouble" by Jeffrey Holland.  I do all I can to avoid contention and pray to see people the way God sees them.  That helps me look past their sometimes troubling veneers into their hearts.  I spend some time each day meditating...my definition of mediation is concentrating on breathing and being very calm which drives out negativity.  I have always prayed a great deal, but now my prayers focus more on gratitude.  I still ask, and ask and ask and I still plead for forgiveness from God and from the folks in my path I know I injure, but the focus is on gratitude.  I try to avoid taking things personally and forgive as quickly as possible.  This is a big list....so when I fall short, I forgive myself as quickly as possible, assess and start over.  Earth life is a place that ebbs and flows with storms and peace.  In order to stay as peaceful as possible I pray to either be saved from the storm or saved in the storm.  However your parlance defines what I have just written, it is another Universal Truth.  As my relationship with God increases with an understanding of His nature, my temptation to judge others has lessened.  There was a time I wanted everyone to believe the way I do, now I just hope everyone is kind.  What a person believes no longer is a stick I measure with and I am filled with more love than before for them because there are no conditions on our relationship.

My journey is hardly over because my default emotion is still negative so I fight it every day.  Some days are more successful than others for sure and I long for the day I no longer have to struggle with it. But in the mean time I will use this struggle to become stronger, more grateful and closer to God.

Donna
xxoo

Stevie Nicks and Me

The best part about life is when something totally amazing and unexpected happens.  A few months ago a friend from Facebook contacted me with this delicious news.
"I didn't realize you were such a fan of Stevie Nicks, my boyfriend is Mick Fleetwood's body guard and I will make sure to get you tickets for their next concert..."

This was better than a lottery win!  I hadn't seen Fleetwood Mac for years and they (Stevie) are my favorites.  Fleetwood Mac was there through quite a few of my relationships...songs for when it was good, and songs for when they ended.

I relived every one of those emotions last night. 

The pictures are terrible...but I know what they are.  Just reminders of great memories...

 When they sang "Tusk" I went back to that beautiful day when my daughter graduated from USC and we all stood on our chairs as the Trojan band played Tusk...it was one of the happiest days of my life, at one of the best Universities listening to one of the best bands college has to offer.  If you don't already know Fleetwood Mac recorded the song with the Trojan Band...so USC plays it at every single football game (with the added yell at the end "UCLA sucks"....sorry Bruins, it's just part of the reverie)

This band is absolutely ageless....Christine McVie is 71.....Lindsey Buckingham is 65....Mick Fleetwood is 67....and my Stevie?  Almost 67.



Isn't this amazing?

Mick Fleetwood had the best time.  It's true we were an incredible sold out,audience.  But he was so happy.  So glad to be there.  And so amazing on the drums...

They came back out 2 times...each time Stevie
Nicks told a story from their past.  They are open about the problems they have had, the drug abuse, divorces and just being dysfunctional. But they have come out the other end, and that is what they are all the happiest about.

Christine McVie is back after 16 years...I thought she sounded great.  Stevie said the first thing she told McVie when finding out she wanted to come back to the band was, "find a trainer"

In one of the stories Stevie told she said, "Don't ever give up, don't stop dreaming or believing in yourself."  It sounded like she had learned that the hard way.  Funny how we think some people have it all, when in fact they are struggling with things just like the rest of us.

But they do have the rockstar thing down cold.

What is your mission?

"When you live your mission through your business brand, mission statement and vision, then amazing phenomenal things start to happen.  Your perfect dream clients are drawn to you.  People get really excited about what you are doing.  They spread the word to their friends, they sign up for your services, they give you great testimonials.  You get more customers, make more revenue, and your business grows with ease.  And best of all - your team is more creative and having more fun than ever before because everyone is in absolute alignment with your Why."

I don't know who to credit this beautiful statement to.  A friend's wife put it together from some things she had read....so I can at least credit her with recognizing the worth of this.

Everyone can learn from this, everyone can benefit from this simple, clear statement.  

Notice how positive it is....there isn't a bit of wishful thinking in it.  

What is your mission?  That is what comes from this, when you live your mission...so what is your mission?  Are you too timid to say it out loud?  Too timid to say you want to be the very best at what you do?  I read a Facebook post today from a woman who had invoiced a huge company. She was thrilled and better than that, her company was 3 years old!  She was living it...she was her mission.

Right now, sit down and write down what your mission is.  And after you do put it next to your computer, or your bed...tape it to your mirror.  Put it in your phone.  Find reasons to make it happen.  And when reasons occur for you to give up....counter them!  I think so many things were just that close....that close, and then we stop.  Right before we get there...right before incredible were going to happen.

We live so beneath our privileges...we listen to the voices who tell us we cannot do it.  Don't try, stay safe....

Nothing great has ever occurred staying safe.  Walk out on the edge and fly!

My Thoughts For This Holy Week

When my life story has been written, and I hope it is when I am very old so I can soften the edges of my personal emergencies, yesterday will go down as one of my most memorable.  To say so much is occurring at one time would be an understatement.  In the middle of a very shallow breathing episode and tremendous anxiety, I began a fast.  I wanted my world to calm down so I could gain perspective and find some direction.  When I am in full "run for your life" panic I cannot see solutions.  It is only when I find a way to be calm, that solutions come.  Not easy, but completely necessary.  I don't have to find peace yet, just give myself a chance to find peace.  

I understand that it is good for the soul to stretch, but when you feel as though there is no room left to stretch then joy disappears.  I try to think of life without problems, because avoidance feels better, but life will never be without problems.  We can find peace in the storm.  This is a very hard concept for me, because it takes a great deal of effort.  Having a fit and crying is easy and takes no effort at all.  You don't need control, you don't need to think, or care about anyone around you...just let it explode.  But you learn nothing, no solutions come because there is no truth inside a tantrum.

I realize we all have different beliefs and most everyone goes through the same process.  We search for something to believe in, try a few beliefs on for size, wear them for awhile, and see if they fit.  If we like them then, hey, we go from there.  If not we return them to the belief counter and continue looking.  I follow the teachings of Jesus Christ because they are so simple.  Love one another, be peaceful, forgiving and grateful.  I keep a picture next to my computer of the Savior standing in a ship surrounded by frightened men in a terrible storm.  The story is the wind and waves are pounding and He is asleep.  The men on the ship wake him scared to death asking him, "do you not care if we perish?" The Savior stands, puts His hands up and the waves and wind subside.  He could sleep because He knew everything would be ok.  I have much more in common with the men on the ship than I do in believing the Savior will calm the storm.  Being frantic is more my style than finding serenity.  Sometimes I want to just sit by the side of the road and let the wolves eat me, but that is not what the Savior wants.  He wants to save us, pick us up, pull us up if need be all to save us in a storm.  There is a scripture that is widely misinterpreted, "After all we can do, we are saved by Grace alone" It's the "after all we can do" that throws people.  They feel that they must somehow earn favor, when all we have to do is follow the Savior.  And that means, Love each other, Be grateful, Be forgiving and Be peaceful.  Religions and beliefs have these things in common because they work.  

It's not easy to find peace in a storm, but it's possible, and then we can sleep though any storm.  

I had no words...

I have writers block, completely unable to write anything beyond a ransom note in 10 days.  Some might say that is a blessing, but I have to write.

It is the grease for my wheel

My perfect wave

Open heart surgery without having to use the paddles

Using a charge card without a message to "use alternate payment"

It's how I used to feel about being tan or getting on a scale

Writing is an outlet for pain, joy, or sarcasm....I love to string words together watching them dance in the wind, catching the moonlight just right....not so bright as to startle, but a bit subtle, just a glimpse.  A flirtatious giggle of words that remind you of the moment you met your true love......or saw a painting that took your breath away from the sheer genius of the strokes.  My writing is as comforting to me as the voice of a dear friend saying not to worry, it will be ok.

Writing fills my voids and adds to my strength so I can voice pain, concern or acrimony.  Writing is there when those around me demand I speak - not understanding sometimes I simply cannot.  And those words remain unsaid until I find a way to the keyboard to paint the page with words I couldn't say out loud.

The words I write are precious and need to be protected from harm or ridicule until I decide they are strong enough to live outside my heart.  Then I stand on the edge of the cliff holding the words close until the wind is just right to carry them into the universe.

And I watch while they soar.