We are all made of "Better Stuff"

I am getting close to a real life changer, and I am happily, strangely calm. It's not like I am about to walk on the moon, or have a kidney transplant, I am just getting ready to close a chapter of my life and step into another.

First I would like to say that I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father that I was able to follow my heart for the last thirty years and stay at home with my children. It wasn't always easy and I know there was a lot of sacrifice from my husband to provide that blessing and to honor my choice. I am so grateful to have been able to follow my heart and I acknowledge the help I have been given.

I know where that blessing came from.

And now I open the door to new possibilities and new adventures. As I look back on the last thirty years I am grateful not only for being able to be with my children but so grateful for the people who have accompanied me on that journey. Women who stood shoulder to shoulder with me through breastfeeding and diapers, kindergarten and PTA.....helping me with my marriage, sharing their own trials and making me a better woman, mother and wife.

Those amazing people who cheered with me and cried with me......some that I have only met through letters and emails.....but who are just as important to me as those I see all the time. I am grateful to my Uncle who stoically, and unemotionally reminded me that I was made of better stuff the night before I was to give the eulogy for my mother. I walked to the podium the next morning knowing I could do hard things.....because I was made of better stuff. Words that course through my soul often. I will never forget those who came to the hospital when I had babies, when my children were in danger and when my parents were going through the end of their lives....I will never forget their faces as they came to my home for dinners, firesides, lunches and even a few funerals! Oh the incredible people who have left their imprint on my life forever. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I have changed so much over the last thirty years. Thank goodness right? But the biggest change in my life is realizing what I can do, what I can accomplish...the lives I can touch....what kindness can reap...and what unkindness can return. Oh how important that is....and that can only come with experience, and lessons learned and relearned.

I am grateful to all of those people along this journey who have taken the time to love me, teach me, laugh with me and cry with me. And mostly who have forgiven me for my shortcomings. Forgiveness is the greatest gift we can give each other.

And so while it is sad to move on and say goodbye to every day mothering, I do it with great hope that the next part of my life will be as fulfilling as the last has been. My pattern has been to never give up and to pray as hard as I can to know what the Lord wants me to do. And then when I discern what He wants then to do all I can to follow that direction. What I am leaving behind is carefully locked in my heart as the best memories a person can have.

I have made a great many mistakes, I have not been the perfect mother or wife...I never thought I could be and sometimes I didn't want to be!! But my heart has always been with my family, I will always consider myself a wife and mother first because that is the desire of my heart. Now that role changes and I know I will handle that just like I have handled all the other changes in my life. I am confident in the abilities God has given me. And one ability He gives us is to survive and never give up......I will always try to encourage everyone around me to never give up.....that is the greatest lesson my earthly parents taught me.....it is what I see in my husband. I hope I have instilled it in my children.

Just as I have been helped.......I will return those blessings. I hope to mirror the kindness and love shown to me all these years.

So to all the people who have supported me along this journey.....I am a better person because of you. For all of you have been there when I needed it most and I am better for it. I learned from you what to do when tragedy occurs.....how to love, how to react to pain, how to celebrate and simply how to walk this life with honesty.

I consider myself blessed beyond all measure because of you. As they beautifully say in Texas, "I love all y'all!"

And to my husband a special thank you and my eternal love....he knows me best and still loves me. To my children, you will never know how grateful I am to you for letting me be your mom. You have given me such joy. I love you.

And never stop believing.....

When Stevie Nicks calls.....

Will you be ready with fresh and friendly banter when Stevie Nicks calls? If you are afraid of not having anything interesting to talk about I have a few suggestions...we can fill the gaps in your life with some from ours.

The other day my son and I were delivering food and I felt the need to PANIC, loudly, because we were late. Trey is great at football analogies and he calmly stated that by panicking I was not showing my best game face. He reminded me about Joe Montana and the 1989 Super Bowl against the Cincinnati Bengals. The San Francisco 49ers were down by three points with 3:20 left when Montana spotted -- no, not an open receiver -- but a personality. "Isn't that John Candy?" And then he led the 49ers 92 yards, throwing for the winning touchdown with 34 seconds left.

Calm under pressure....if I was the quarterback with 34 seconds left..I might be throwing up in the huddle....just saying. But isn't that kind of confidence inspiring?



I want that kind of confidence.....but I digress......
This next part is hard....Two weeks from today my youngest child goes off to college. On every level that is hard. And since life is just a little bit harder for me than everyone else then here goes.... I may not survive. We went "dorm shopping" the other day....I was the picture of decorum, I only cried one time...



They are oh so excited to be on their own and that triggered such interesting conversations...How does the wash work? How many blankets do I need? Can I leave my shampoo in the bathroom? She has been in charge since she was 2....no one has more confidence. I know she will be fine...I however have to face the fact that this one part of my life has changed....forever.

The good news? I can use my "7 ways to use a chicken breast" on someone who may listen.

After she leaves there will be time to adjust....but for now, she still needs me a little....

So cute!

I will be fine, but isn't it interesting that it is a lot easier to adjust to starting a family than it is to adjust to having them leave....just saying.

Now on to more fun times to tell Stevie when she calls...

Ashleigh was celebrating a birthday and wanted to go to the Wynn for their brunch buffet. Sounds civilized doesn't it? Brunch? In Las Vegas a buffet means only one thing, strap on your big eating pants and go for a ride. Because, my friend, you will have to wait for a fork lift to take you back to the car.

In the mean time we all looked fabulous....especially the birthday girl.

But first we had to find it......

Convenient that the Ferrari dealership is right outside.

Unfortunately, this is all we could afford, peaking in the window. It costs ten dollars to go in..... Just to look!

These shops are amazing.....

The shoes are a work of art.

You have to at least look, right?

A dear friend of ours is in charge of all the plants and flowers at the Wynn.

He and his staff do an incredible job.

I thought this sign was hysterical. My dad was in the gaming business his whole life, and slot machines used to be something for the wives to do while they waited for their husbands. Nickel slots and then, gasp, a quarter. Now you can sit down and play a hundred dollars at a time. Can you imagine? No skill, just sit down and put a hundred dollars in a machine, hit a button and wait for chance to occur.

Seriously?

At least blackjack and Craps have some skill.....even with that, it's still a strange thing to do.

It's odd that money has so little value when folks are convinced they can get something for nothing.

By the way, you can't get something for nothing.

Don't you love eating in a place that is so festive? Even though we waited in line the same amount of time we would have if we were at Disneyland. But instead of Indiana Jones at the end, we enjoyed all you could eat shrimp....amazing!

Great time, great family....no belts.....Vegas buffets, eating for sport.

And then after brunch, all a girl needs on her birthday is a small bag from Tiffany's.

Ashleigh is absolutely amazing, I count myself blessed every day to be her mom.

Happy Birthday!!

Why Would You Give Up A Perfectly Good Bad Habit?

Why would you give up a perfectly good bad habit? That is the question I am asking myself right now.

The bad habit I am giving up is diet coke. Now before you start defending diet coke.....don't worry, I think it is a wonderful thing. No need to tell me how much fun a diet coke and some chips are...but I went beyond the pale. I drank so much, that I was feeling like I needed to quit. I'm not sure if it is diet coke that is contributing to how I feel, but maybe, so I thought I would.....wait for it.....quit. Yikes...

You see I feel squishy....and I know there is a ton of sodium in that sweet little drink. I really don't drink enough water...so I feel squishy. And I want to feel less squishy. I also don't want to have to have diet coke on hand. It's simple, I am addicted to caffeine. Caffeine is not the enemy, it actually helps with headaches, and other things....I just drink too much. I went from a nice balance to, "Gotta have it!!"

This latest journey actually started with Green Smoothies. My dear friend Patrice started drinking them quite a while ago. She is the healthiest eater I know....but she isn't weird about it....she loves all food, and eats it with real passion. She just eats well...lean meat, lots of veggies, fruits and nuts. So I started drinking them too...I knew I wasn't getting enough vegetables so this is a great way to get some real food in your body. They are easy to make, stuff spinach (and I mean stuff) in a blender, add water, juice or crystal light and then blend it up....Add some frozen fruit, personally I love any kind of berry. Strawberries, blueberries, blackberries...you get it...berries. Blend, blend, blend.....at the end add a banana. Done..... You can tweak this any way you want to. Add frozen peaches, add fresh fruit, add kale, collard greens (not too many, they are strong, but mighty). The rule is, there isn't a rule. You can't do this wrong. I have been drinking them for a few months and I noticed my nails were growing. I have notoriously weak nails, and because of that I bite them....and then I get hang nails...yikes. So this was a big change. I am doing nothing else differently...so it must be the green smoothies. I made the leap that if my nails were absorbing more vitamins, then so are my bones. That caught my attention. I don't want a hump. I have heard, maybe it's true maybe not, that soda leaches calcium from your bones...I don't know where I heard that....maybe it's totally made up...but if it is true, I will regret not drinking less later on in life....when I have a hump.

The evidence I have with Green Smoothies is now more empirical than anecdotal. My problem nails are better.

I will let you know about the diet coke thing. Right now I am on a methadone treatment.... Excedrin every 4 hours. I know it has caffeine in it...but I will eventually wean down. I am not worried about too much aspirin right now.....one thing at a time.

And from my experience with green smoothies I will give this diet coke thing about 3 months before I judge if it is effective or not. I have lots of other things to change in my life. Things that just bug me about myself. I end up feeling weak and unable to change. And I know that isn't true...I can change.

I just did....one change gives you some power to change something else. Seriously who has ever just painted a room? After that you need some new carpet, maybe some new window treatments? Change empowers change...

I knew I was drinking too much soda...I have been drinking diet soda my whole life. Remember Tab? I drank that, then diet Dr. Pepper.....then Diet Coke....Don't get me wrong, there isn't anything wrong with soda....but when a truck backs up at your house to unload, then you may have gone too far. Wish me luck!!

Wisdom for the day.......We find out at the end of our lives how important the decisions are we made at the beginning of our lives.

I really don't want a hump...

What Do You Think?

Imagine my surprise when I looked all over for the dog, only to find him standing in a pot we filled with water for the birds and rabbits. He stayed in there long enough for me to find my camera and take a picture. Then I discovered I hadn't put a card in the camera.. So I run to find the picture card, put it in the camera, go back to where Hudson is and take his picture. That's how hot it is....he stayed in there....posing...until I got the whole thing together.

Just some thoughts...

DMVs are the same all over. I went with my son to the DMV in Utah, (hooray in-state tuition!). He told me he had been there 3 times trying to get a drivers license. Each time he went home dejected and brokenhearted because he needed yet one more piece of paper proving he was who he was. But this time we were so hopeful...he had a birth certificate, passport, social security card, paycheck stub, and a letter addressed to him at the address he claims is his.. We went in and sat down.......we were the only ones in the whole DMV, I am not kidding, the only ones. There were three women working, none of them doing much.......so imagine our surprise when over a loud speaker we hear,

"serving number 300 at window number 2"

Number 300? At window number 2? This is how badly we wanted that drivers license, we did not laugh, we did not make fun....and we were nearly injured attempting to hold in our sarcasm.

The woman behind window number 2 sat up straight and looked right at us...my son looked at me like we were in a Fellini movie. I told him to go break a leg....he didn't have his old license because it was stolen along with his wallet....the woman working behind window number 2 had to conference with the other DMV employees as to whether or not he should get a new license without a thorough investigation. For some reason, they went ahead and gave him the driver's license. Score!! Painful process but all done.

Why is barbeque sauce different all over the country, but bureaucracy is exactly the same no matter where you go?

Speaking of bureaucracy, I am officially tired of the Washington debate, which is what they call the mess they have made. I used to like all the trees and museums...now it is just a city filled with people doing everything they can to stay there, at my expense, just doing stuff to help them. Sorry....really tired. And btw to the note taker at my local Senators office who was so rude to me over the phone...that was a mistake.

Football lock out? Stop it guys.....Now. I read the other day that 79 per cent of America watches football...that means 180 million people want the lock out to end. Who seriously wants to tick off 180 million people? I get nervous when a magazine tells me I only have 4 issues left.....I don't like to make anyone angry. So pretend everything isn't about money and fix it.

Note to self, the low fuel light is not a suggestion. The computer in the car isn't trying for a spot at a comedy club...you will run out of gas, near your home, at a busy intersection, during lunch time, where everyone you know will drive by.....oh, wait that happened.

Thanks Lori for saving the day.

I have discovered something about green smoothies, after months of drinking those lucious, amazing drinks, my nails grew. Seriously, they grew. Which means my bones must be better, and that lessens the chance of a hump. Really good news. You really cannot taste the spinach...note, don't tell your kids there is spinach in the smoothie...it can be a deal breaker.

Wisdom for the week? Be nice to someone who isn't nice to you.....It looks good and it's the worst thing you can do to a mean person.

Discuss.....

Time For A Change

This morning I was reading about a young man from Idaho who was in a terrible car accident.

He was the only survivor, that is sobering enough, but add to that his injuries are very extensive, many broken bones and brain trauma. His recovery will be long and arduous. I didn't know where to focus my thoughts, on the three young women who died in the accident? What their families were going through? Or on the young man and the difficult road back he will have. One accident, in one minute life goes from happy teenagers driving home from a church function, to unbelievable sadness, and a life change no one saw coming.

It is easy to forget that about life, that it can change so quickly. Just one phone call can alter your life forever. I have never appreciated it when people say, "It could be worse." I don't like that philosophy because whatever trial you are experiencing is valuable, and should not be discounted. We minimize the experience when we say that. It is not easy to embrace the trial, but most healthy minded people eventually do. We are hard wired to survive, so we find ways to not just make the best of the situation, but to make it our finest hour. That is why my motto is,

"There is no education in the second kick of a mule."

It is a great old fashioned, Texas way of thinking. I appreciate the hard times my family has survived....but I am embarrassed to admit I have not embraced my trials as I could have. I have whined, pouted and complained....when I should have been grateful for the amazing blessings I do have. So when I read about the young man from Idaho, or the people who died in Joplin Missouri from the tornado, or friends I know who are going through difficult times, I know it is time. It is time to change, to find a way to avoid being miserable, a course correction of sorts. John Longden wrote years ago about time. He said,

"I refuse to waste my valuable time. Today has one thing in which I know I am equal with others, Time...all of us draw the same salary in seconds, minutes, hours, 24 golden hours each day. Today I will not waste my time because the minutes I wasted yesterday are as dead as a vanished thought. Today I refuse to spend time worrying about what might happen. I am going to spend my time making things happen."

Isn't he so right about worrying about what might happen, and isn't it so inspiring to believe you can make things happen? Earth life is tricky, it is filled with all kinds of road blocks, problems and obstacles. And it could be tempting to think the odds are too great and simply give up. When we hear the news, it is all bad. The economy has kicked our collective butts, and everyone has been affected. Instead of retreating and being hopeless, it is time to pick up the gauntlet. It is time to start a business if you can't be hired. It is time to lend your resources to others when you can. In essence it is time to realize how powerful we are, together, and how much of a difference we can make, together....To simple believe and be hopeful.

President Dieter Uchtdorf said, "Hope has the power to fill our lives with happiness".

I believe that. I know that when one person refuses to see a half empty cup they inspire the next person, and the next and the next. That is what hope is.

Can't this be our finest hour?

I come from a long line of survivors......I just forgot that for a while.

32 years ago today....how about that? And they said it would never last....take a lesson - never underestimate the power of pure stubbornness.

And fear.....

My husband and I met during a very non religious time for both of us. We had to look high and low for a church to get married in. My family was not religious at all, and it didn't matter where we were married, but my soon-to-be husband's family was very Catholic, and very interested in a Catholic wedding. So we found a Catholic Church that would marry us. The Priests we found at St. Francis were fabulous about the whole thing, all they said was you have to come to counseling before we will agree to marry you. OK, fair enough, we can do that, 12 weeks you say? OK, we can do that....(yikes!) so we show up for our first session and the Priest takes one look at us and says, "You know if you get married in the Catholic Church you must raise your children Catholic."

We hadn't even talked about children much less how they were going to be raised. We were more of a "in the moment" kind of a couple. It just shows how prepared we were. Not at all. When Brother John was about to marry us, I whispered in his ear please don't say, "Until death do you part." I always believed that marriage was forever. He was good with that and off to the races we went.

My very Catholic, very Italian new mother-in-law met me in the foyer after the wedding and looked me straight in the eye and said, "there are no divorces in this family." Because I had been married for 3 minutes and we hadn't had a single fight yet....I assured her that sounded good to me too. I have always loved my mother and father-in-law, they are the best. And even though my mother-in-law passed away far too soon, her influence in our family is real.

Our wedding day, June 29th, 1979 was 117 degrees in Las Vegas...total torture for even the most ardent desert dweller. Want to know what it did to my new husband's family from New Jersey? I think one of his cousins actually melted. There weren't a lot of return visits from his family....especially in June.

I am not going to say that because my mother-in-law told me there were no divorces in the family that that is the reason we have stayed together......but the fact is marriage is very important to them. And they taught that to my husband. Example is a powerful thing. I worry sometimes that I am a terrible example to my children. We aren't the husband and wife team who never fight or at best hide all the fights....we get irritated regularly...and hide nothing. But we make up and then wake up to another day. Passion runs high for both of us. When folks tell me they never fight I don't know how to react to that. Does that mean we are simply dysfunctional, or could they just be big donkey liars?

We take that "for better or worse" out for a spin almost every day.

Marriage isn't easy, and staying married isn't easy either. But it is the best thing I have done. It is wonderful to have someone to share memories and a few dreams with. It is good to have someone to hug any time I want to. But mostly it is good to be with someone who remembers that once upon a time I had a waistline. Dang menopause.....while I am at it, dang pizza, french bread and pie.

I have made two decisions in my life without ever looking back...neither decision gave me a moments regret or even so much as a second thought. It was just right. One was becoming a member of the Mormon church and the other was marrying my husband. Both decisions were as incongruent as could be for a girl like me. I was a Southern girl marrying an Italian boy from New Jersey, and yes my family considered him a Yankee. He liked salami, provolone and something called calamari. I was Mormon and liked everything fried......he came from a large family, I was an only child. He thought crystal stemware must be cheap because it broke so easily in the dishwasher (6 at one time....30 years ago and I'm still not over it) I hated the cold and chestnuts are nasty. One time he actually wanted to put them in my stuffing.....ha!

We have had some obstacles to overcome.....but we came to simply accept what we couldn't change...in fact we are still doing that, still overcoming obstacles. But I root for the Yankees with wild abandon and he's Mormon....life is funny that way. Especially the part about rooting for the Yankees.

I have never one time in the whole time we have been married ever doubted him. And that is my greatest blessing.

Thank you darlin', I love you!!

Just pure tenacity

I hate migraine headaches. When I get one I feel like I am in slow motion and something is sucking my brain out of my ear. And it won't stop....

But what I love about migraine headaches is someone, somewhere, in a far away lab invented a medicine that chases these deadly brain sucking headaches away. On the down side the headache is replaced with kind of a bombala fatigue that makes doing anything short of laying on the sofa impossible. However when compared with searing, brain sucking pain, a little fatigue is just fine.

But sometimes things don't go according to plan. In other words when I went to the medicine drawer where I keep Advil for constant muscle pain, Excedrin for the times I can't find diet coke and a few other things that the Hipaa privacy rule prevents me from revealing.....there was no migraine medicine.....oh the agony!

Last night I was teaching an institute class so I had to wait until that was over to drive like I was on fire to our favorite Walgreen's pharmacy. I pounce on the pharmacist at exactly 8:50...time to spare....and then I see the blood drain from her face. She knows she has to tell me that my prescription has no refills and she knows I am going to freak out.

Shut up!! How will I sleep? Better yet how will my husband sleep?

Fast forward to 8am this morning. The race has begun. I am a proud member of Health Plan of Nevada (which basically means you can only get sick in Nevada - sorry about Mikey's almost broken leg in Cedar - and it also means you pay and pay to get less and less)....on the other end of my first phone call is someone who has the power to refill my prescription. I will myself to be nice, patient and did I say nice? Could I actually pull that off? But at 8am?

For the next 40 minutes I speak with one person after another...finally at the end of the phone call (and of course one time we were disconnected - start over contestants!) I am told they will send a message to my doctor who may or may not call the pharmacist. It might be Monday, sorry.
But it is Friday I tell them frantically! (will hysteria work?) I am helping my husband cook for 300 tomorrow, I can't have a migraine. They are sorry...and then the ridiculous memorized end of the call..."is there anything else we can help you with?" I had to ask her.... "so far, what have you helped me with?"

Oops, not nice.

Suggesting to a group of people who have that much power to give you something you truly need that they indeed share a brain, is not helpful. I see any hope of getting my medicine fading quickly away.

At 11am I decide to wait no longer and simply go to the doctor's office. I can explain to them that I am in great pain and maybe they will just hand me the prescription. Off I go. On arrival I see that there is a line...what luck! When it is my turn I explain everything to the receptionist. She is quite nice and she takes my pathetic story to the nurse who may or may not go to the doctor with my request.

There is a clear chain of command.

At this point, I make up my mind to see this through. I am NOT going home without the medicine. It has become a matter of honor, or something. I imagine a group of people symbolically standing behind me, hundreds of people rejected under the same circumstances. Beaten and dejected leaving without their meds. I am doing it for all of them.

The nurse comes out after about 20 minutes, quite annoyed, to tell me that they have 2 or 3 days to fulfill these requests. I looked at her straight in the face and said, "not if you have a migraine." She told me it would take "some time" to get the doctor to write the prescription. I can wait I tell her...So I sit down for a long wait and start texting everyone I know...I saw the picture of Erin's new baby, organized a meeting, and generally caught up on life. Nothing wasted!

The nurse came out to tell me my request was called in, give it 20 minutes she says..hooray! Score! I can feel the pain lessen. Off I go to the pharmacist at Walgreen's after about 30 minutes, (I had to get some diet coke) only to be told my prescription was expired and the doctor was not responding.

What?

This is the message from last night, they don't have the new information, I am screwed, this is awful....oh the humanity!! This wild chase for geese has ended with nothing, not even geese.
And then it occurs to me...the doctor called the wrong pharmacy! That has to be it! I go back and stand in line, stand in line, stand in line....the same poor pharmacist looks at me with such pity, (or disdain?) I explain to her that they must have called the Target pharmacy..."please (I am almost begging) call them and see if my medicine is there."

No.

No? They didn't have the number (yes they do) the time (you are in business to have time) or inclination....(I am using sheer force of will for them to be inclined)
I explain I have come too far and I am in far too much pain to stop.

She blinked and then she called Target.

Score! They tell me to sit down, the prescription is indeed at Target, it is being transferred over. Give us a minute.

Finally at 1:22 I leave Walgreen's with 9 imitrex (actually their generic brothers) pills. I got into my car and took one of those pills right there in the parking lot with almost scalding water that had been in my car for who knows how long.

And I smiled.

I did it.

Rack up another metaphor of life....

Graduation

I love graduations...I love the hats, diplomas, and most of all I love a good commencement speech. Add to that hundreds of happy graduates, grateful parents,tired but fulfilled teachers and you have the recipe for total happiness.



That is what I felt yesterday, total happiness. My youngest child, my Emma, graduated from high school. She gave a wonderful, inspiring speech....her voice never faltered. There is a reason she graduated on the day of the year with the most light...the longest day, the first day of summer...that is her metaphor, she is light and warmth, and never gives up. Then at the end of the ceremony she led the student body in moving their tassels from the right to the left.

....and just like that they were high school graduates.

My feelings were so intense, and so profound...I found it hard to breathe at times. When we first got to graduation, I had this overwhelming feeling of, "Well, it's here, and there is nothing you can do to stop it" I knew there was no way to get back the days of her childhood. My little girl grew up, and I started to cry. Her life is changing for sure but an enormous part of my life is changing as well. The days of small children are past. They were great days, and I will miss them. And just like all moms suddenly faced with their children growing up...it hurts. As hard as it was, I loved it. I loved kneeling at the side of their beds, I loved the games, the gym meets, the recitals, I loved helping at their schools, I just loved being with them.

Over the years I brought crates of oranges to games, bought pounds of cookie dough and enough candles to light St. Patrick's Cathedral. I know I spent more time in my car than in my house.

We survived lost elections, lost tryouts, lost shoes, and lost games....we jubilantly brought home trophy's and ribbons, good report cards, and enough slurpees to change the economy.




It is a job I enjoyed so much...but it is a job that changes. it is hard to watch so much of the really sweet stuff just vanish...

Like the first time they don't need you to tie their shoes, or hold their hand. Or when they get their license and drive solo the first time.

Those are all good things of course, but that feeling, that feeling of obsolescence looms. You know the meaning of planned obsolescence right?

Planned obsolescence or built-in obsolescence in industrial design is a policy of deliberately planning or designing a product with a limited useful life, so it will become obsolete or nonfunctional after a certain period of time.

And that is a bit how I feel today....obsolete, I am a product designed for a limited useful life.

Dramatic? yikes!!

That isn't completely true, they still refer to me as 'mother' and they still love me...but the day to day stuff? As they tell me, "I got this, mom." And I am happy that they can fly on their own. That is a good thing.

However, that is a concept I am not doing well with today.


The truth is, I will miss kneeling at the side of their bed having prayer. I will miss watching them dance, play football, soccer, basketball, baseball, cheer, and do gymnastics. I will miss walking in the front door and seeing 25 pairs of shoes knowing that meant there were 25 teenagers in my den...I already miss their friends....I will miss making pasta for 10 then 20 and then maybe 30 teenagers.

I am blessed to have had the experience, but I will miss it to be sure...

My little girl Ashleigh was the dish who ran away with the spoon...my little Trey dressed up as every character he saw on television or the movies and wore a suit to pre-school, my little Mikey who refused to go to first grade because he thought he was never coming home again, and 6 year old Emma.......standing with the coaches on the football field, her baseball cap on backwards with a whistle and a clipboard.

Those memories along with about a million more are mine....and I am so grateful for them.

But today I am a little sad...

Murder, Moms and The Book of Mormon Musical...

I am so tired of hearing about the mother in Florida who may or may not have murdered her daughter. I try to avoid it, but because I am interested in the weather, politics and world events I still listen to the news. But it seems this is the way the news works....the temperature in New York according to the Casey Anthony trial is......we can report from the Casey Anthony trial that the Prime minister of Italy is having his problems these days. The stock market brought to you by the Casey Anthony trial, the Republican debates....a break through in medicine....incredible rescues....things so important seem to pale in comparison to a story I don't want to believe even occurred.

I kept all this to myself until I read a blog this morning called Kazzy's Pondering's. In her blog she wrote about how she ran outside, as though she was on fire, to take pictures of hot air balloons as they floated by. And all because she wanted to send the pictures to her missionary in Mexico...because it was a reminder of home. And she wanted him to feel some love from home.

That's the mom I want you to think about. The mom who loves with a fierceness that a tiger would step aside for.

I admit that some of that fierceness came out the other night as I was watching the Tony's...I usually watch the Tony's, but this year I watched with a bit of trepidation. I knew the musical, "The Book of Mormon" was going to win a lot. Out of curiosity I had listened to some of the score on NPR. Some of the songs were so profane I simply clicked it off. But some of the songs were filled with so much mockery and disdain about Mormon missionaries that I found myself feeling that fierceness only reserved for tigers.

Through my blog I have met people from India to North Carolina, from Utah to Mexico, and beyond. My new friends are divergent and because of our differences, so interesting. I have no desire to converse with people who only think as I do. I love finding out how my Hindu friends are coping with life, and my friends in New England, and Indonesia, and Texas, and North Carolina....I have not spoken about my religion much because I live by the adage, "Preach the Gospel every day, and if you have to use words." I think we are our best example...walk the walk of whatever you believe in, that is the best way to show others who you really are.

But since this blog is all about words....I have a few words, a few carefully chosen words, to say about the Book of Mormon musical. However understand that anything I say pales in comparison next to the official statement from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints....

"The production may attempt to entertain audiences for an evening, but the Book of Mormon as a volume of scripture will change people's lives forever by bringing them closer to Christ."

Succinct and to the point...no contention, a completely guileless reaction to a play that sets out to mock a religion, a culture and a people.

These are my thoughts and I take full responsibility for them.

Every play that is nominated presents a song or a part of a scene for the television audience to get a flavor of their whole production. The song the Book of Mormon musical chose to perform was about faith...this Missionary from Salt Lake City was seeing horrible things, but he stilled believed. Because that is what Mormons do..they believe. I am sure I am taking this benign view out of context, but I won't take issue with that. I do believe. And even though the audience snickered when this naive young man believed no matter what I thought, it's true.....I do believe.

This play was not just about Mormons, it was about all people who believe. Don't miss that point.



I want you to see what real Mormon missionaries look like....and they have moms like me.



They also look like this...




This is my beautiful daughter in the middle...a real missionary who believes...

A dear friend of mine came over right before my son was leaving for Costa Rica for two years...he looked at me and just shook his head. He supported what we were doing, but didn't understand it. He said to me, "I understand when parents send away their kids when they are difficult, I don't understand sending away the good ones."

My husband and I did indeed send away some good ones...but they came back better ones. They lived with a different culture for two years. They understand a language and a people completely. They found out what they could do when they only had the Lord to depend on.
This experience has been priceless. My sons were 19 years old..they left college, a job, friends and their family to serve others...all because they believed. And so did my daughter.

I hope some people will be curious after they see the play. I hope they ask questions...we may not be as catchy and flashy as the play...but we'll do.

And if you see a missionary this summer give them a cold drink or a hot dog. They are far from home and would be so grateful for a little love.

There is a professor at Harvard Business School named Clayton Christensen who wrote the most amazing essay about Why he believes...I highly recommend it. You can find it here...

http://www.claytonchristensen.com/pdf/Why_I_Belong_and_Why_I_Believe.pdf

They're Back!!!

So this mama bird is flying around looking for the perfect place to build a nest of sticks and poop. And she sees....a red door! that's the ticket! What other bird is going to have a nest next to a red door?
So being one stylin' rockin' mama bird that is exactly what she does.... just like one of her predecessors did last year.
A trend is borne...along with a couple of baby birds only a mother could love.

So the population of my house went up a couple when Stylin' rockin' Mama Bird popped out these cuties. Holy cats! They don't look like they're done do they?

Only a mother could love these little darlings....

I love what she's done with the place, don't you?

I hope they fly away soon...I am getting tired of being attacked by a Stylin' Rockin' mama bird every time I open the door. I was here first.

It's odd to have a nest in the decidedly not real wreath on my red front door. And I forget every time I open the door that I am only a guest here...and Stylin' Rockin' mama bird is in charge.

The little teamsters in the bird union should kick in on the power bill. Then I wouldn't be so cranky. But as it is the little organizers have simply taken over. Strong union.

Proves that even in the animal kingdom being unique rocks.

Happy People Are Hiding Something? So Not True....

Gather round children, I have some advice and I want you to listen closely.....when you are out there in the world and your actions suddenly cause you to say...."Quick hide!" you are doing something wrong. And when you hear it, listen to me carefully again, here is what you do.....stop, drop and roll! That's right, act as though your rear end is on fire and you have only a few seconds to keep from going up in flames.

One more time....you are doing something and suddenly you feel the need to hide what you are doing.....stop doing it. There, my work is done.....I believe I have saved your reputation, job or marriage. You are welcome.

For any of you who watched Anthony Weiner's press conference yesterday you saw how humiliating it can be to get caught in a lie, in front of the world, being interrogated by the NEW YORK press. For anyone who found joy in that press conference, well, you have never been caught taking 2 one liter bottles of diet coke into a football game where the sign clearly says..."Bring nothing into our football game - you must buy our 6 dollar soda." And with shame I will carry the rest of my life I was caught with the goods, or in this case the soda...by a 16 year old stadium attendant, who promptly confiscated my soda......my walk on the wild side never made it to TV, radio, or newspapers...I just did it in front of my dearest friends and my husband...oh, my...

Life is filled with opportunities to try and get away with something.....and you must know it never works. Someone, somewhere, knows. And. they. will. tell. Because people hate it when you try and get away with something that they secretly wish they could get away with but know that they could never get away with it and so how did you get away with it and since you did I am going to tell.

Nothing about what happened to Congressman Weiner is amusing, it is a cautionary tale, Maybe we aren't sending ridiculous pictures of our private parts to strangers, but we have our own cover ups...don't we? Although I once sent a picture of my foot in a shoe to Betsey....however I was at a shoe store and I did need to know if my foot looked fat in the shoe. She wasn't offended and it didn't make it into anyone's blog, and yes my foot did look fat in the shoe....

Maybe we should all take this time to assess our own behavior. It's a good time to clean house a bit....ask yourself, will I tell the truth even when it's hard? Can I be honest when no one is looking? And when I have the urge to hide something, can I stop, drop and roll?

Life is filled with little stops that give us pause and a chance to do better. And it's never too late to do better.

Warrior Personalities and the wisdom of Stevie Nicks

Recent events have forced me to come to terms with myself.....and as my patron Saint Stevie Nicks says in the song Landslide...."and I'm getting older too." So I am no longer going to hide behind what I believe in. There should be at least hints and bits of who I am in the words I write.

I am coming out.

I am a warrior personality. It manifests in several different ways. For instance...Sam's Club....I am standing in line guarding my milk, eggs and frozen chicken, when I hear yelling. Unusual at Sam's...Mildly curious I look several check stands over and see a young man verbally assaulting a much older man. The older man was so afraid, it was awful, and worse yet no one was doing anything, not the customers, not the wildly tattooed checker, and security? Seriously? Sam's Club? Not even a guy from automotive with a tire iron...nothing. I look around at the pasty faced cowards standing near me and say, "is no one going to do anything?" The woman in front of me says, "you don't know, he might have a gun." A gun? Well, maybe, but I have 10 pounds of frozen chicken breasts, I like my odds. So I start yelling too. And I don't stop...it was enough to at least get other people to start yelling....we were all yelling. Yelling is a great distraction. Finally, the hierarchy at Sam's strapped on a few and got out from behind the counter. They escorted the older man to his car and did some heavy staring at the younger man. I mean heavy staring...the kind Al Qaeda quakes in fear over.

I spent the rest of the day wondering why no one did anything sooner. Is this what we are reduced to? A society of people who just stand there?

Part of the problem is we don't have anyone to believe in...our leaders aren't noble any more...Where is Braveheart? I want a guy with blue paint on his face and a feisty horse.... I want someone to stand up and say right out loud who they are and what they believe in, and that you should believe in it too! No fear, no worries about how it looks....just a good old-fashioned, straight from the hip, look you in the eye, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead kind of guy. Inspire me! Wouldn't you follow that kind of leader right off a cliff?

Recently I listened to the Prime Minister of Israel Bebe Netanyahu's speech to congress. It was amazing....I was ready to join! Forget the fact Israel is not recruiting annoying old white women. I was ready! And also forget my buzz kill friend Kedrick who wanted me to know both sides of that conflict have blood on their hands.....I loved his speech. I knew who he was and when leaders tell you who they are, at least you have a fighting chance to pick "your" right guy. But when they hide behind subterfuge and talk out of both sides of their mouth....beware my friends, you might end up with someone you don't recognize after the election.

Really?

We have big doings coming up next year. I hear 2012 is going to be the most blood thirsty election we have ever seen. Is the food at the White House that good? What is the attraction to pounding your thumb with a hammer every day during a campaign? Tell me!

And just to put everyone on notice, I am bringing my warrior personality right out on the porch for everyone to see. When folks get assaulted in this coming election because of their religion I will rally the forces of good and defend them tooth and nail.

Come on America!! If you know something is true, say it! Be courageous! Let other people hear you say it. Fear and faith don't live together...stand up for what you believe in, print it on your shirt...have cards made......and if you don't know what you believe in, for heaven's sake take some time to answer the nagging questions of your soul!

Where did you come from? Why are you here? Where are you going?

There are answers to these questions.....are you ready? Let's Roll.

Salvador Dali or Thomas Kincaid?

The name of this painting is "Hard Margins". The artist is Salvador Dali.... This painting is the reason I have no problem with politicians changing their mind on anything.

I am a flip-flopper on art.

Although I still marvel at the physical details, and I see beauty in this painting, I don't know if I would buy it today. My husband and I bought 6 Dali's the year we were married. We considered ourselves future art collectors, and it was cool to like Dali's....and if you like a head with it's brains falling out, being pulled through the ground covered by ants, then you will like it too. We were only going to buy 3 but the art dealer kept telling us Dali was going to die soon and that our pictures would be worth, "so much more." I think Dali was conveniently on his death bed for ten years. Death is a strong selling point for art dealers.

Anyway about the paintings, in the early 1950's Dali was commissioned by the Italian government to create illustrations of the text of Dante's "Divine Comedy" in honor of poet's birth. As you can imagine Italians did not like having a Spanish artist illustrating what is considered the most respected and greatest epic poem in their nations history. And to make it worse have you seen Dali? He is as unusual as his paintings.

Italians take their art seriously and they also take offense easily...

When the project was eventually dropped by the Italian government (grazie) Dali took what he had already created to a friend and art publisher the very French Joseph Foret. Dali finished the collection over the next nine years and they were published in six volumes between 1960 and 1964. The collection included 101 watercolors...from what are some of the most beautiful combinations of colors and shapes to some of the most unusual things I have ever seen.

The images are in three categories, Hell, Purgatory and Paradise. We, of course, have 2 from Hell, and 2 from Purgatory. I hope it didn't say anything about our new marriage that we didn't choose one from Paradise.

This one is called Ecstatic Visions, if you look at it long enough you will have visions for sure. Because I hate edges and heights, I always worry they will jump. So far so good.

This one is called "Betrayers to their Homeland"

or "Traitors of Monteperti". Personally I like the Traitor title. Sounds more dramatic, nothing is more dramatic than having a head pulled through a crack......

And then one more.....

Apparition of the Ancestor......My favorite, I love the colors, it doesn't matter that I have the art appreciation of a Philistine. What matters is that I like shiny objects and pretty colors. Most people don't know much about art or how would you explain the dogs playing poker pictures? We get to like what we like....and if our tastes change, well so be it. So if your taste are the old masters, or flowers, or sailboats....Thomas Kincaid or Grandma Moses...you get to like what you like. To be a patron of the arts doesn't take a degree, or even a lot of money...just a little bit of interest.

So.....What art do you like?

My contribution to "Laughter is the Best Medicine"

This is what I believe in on a fundamental level. I say, "I believe" a lot. Mostly because I believe in a lot of things. But most of all....

I believe in laughing...in fact I do believe that laughter is the best medicine. I believe in optimism, I believe in a cup half full as opposed to a cup half empty.

I believe in toughing out the hard times and holding on until the storm is over.

I believe in praying, and pleading to God for strength. And I believe He gives it to us.

I believe in immersing yourself in something that gives you joy. And staying there until you can laugh again.

I believe we have hard times. It is part of the plan. Those hard times are important and that we should be present while they are occurring. And as they wash over us just like waves changing the sand on the beach, those hard times will change us. And if we remember to laugh, then those changes will be profound.

And we will fly.

Just for fun follow the link below and laugh at a comic who never fails to make me laugh out loud until I hurt.

Happy laughter day!!

http://youtu.be/wpMkRIXhLH0

Opal Leigh, Madeline and Jerry

Put a camera on a football player after a great play and what does he say? "Hi Mom!" We all tear up, we love it....the love between a mother and a child trumps almost every other relationship there is....it is basic...it is natural...it is major.

But sometimes this relationship takes some strange turns. But that is all it is, a turn

Take me for instance I have three moms...my birth mother, Opal Leigh......Madeline the woman who adopted me with my dad, and Jerry my step mom....who married my dad when I was six.

My childhood wasn't exactly a scene from Oliver Twist, but it was different.

These three women all influenced the woman I am today. For the longest time I felt I was the most unlucky person in the world. My birth mother gave me away, my first adopted mother Madeline divorced my dad, took me with her, gave me back to my dad, and then a few years later died. My step mom married my dad when I was 6 and I never thought she liked me. On the surface that seems like a lot of rejection, and terribly, terribly dramatic. From the perspective of an eighteen year old, which is the age I decided to feel really sorry for myself, it feels like a lot of rejection. Had life dealt me a lousy hand? Or was I amazingly blessed? Thank goodness I grew up, and saw my life for what it was, and not some big plot hatched to cheat me out of happiness.

There is the story of my birth mother Opal Leigh Jones...What a gift to know her name! I didn't know it until after my dad passed away and I found my adoption papers. I also discovered she had given me a name. Patti. Patti Jones. I like that name, I bet she named me after Patti Page...I may have only had that name for a day, but it's a good strong name. And Opal Leigh? That is a great Texas name, it is as Texan as Neiman-Marcus! Being from Texas has always been my heritage....I may not know anything about my actual lineage, but I do know I am from Texas. And then after seeing my birth mother's name I knew ....my birth mother is Texan. I know it sounds odd, but that name connected me to a place, and that felt so good.

Opal Leigh did the most noble thing, she gave me up for adoption to a family who couldn't have children. Arnold and Madeline Beckman....I wandered into their lives at the age of 2 days..

Madeline was the best hunter and the best fisherman...she could also out drink everyone too, and had a fabulous pink Cadillac.

She loved to do my hair, lots of curls, lots of bows, and I had an never ending series of dresses....frilly dresses and patent leather shoes, even hats and purses to match. It's funny the things you remember isn't it?

My parents divorced when I was so little, my mother took me to Alaska, it was the farthest she could get from my dad. After awhile Madeline wasn't able to take care of me so she sent me back to my dad. I only saw her a couple of times after that, she passed away when I was 8. The day I found out she died was the hardest day of my childhood. I really didn't believe them, and I looked for her for years.

And then what had to be the hardest job, Jerry was the step mom. She married my dad when I was six....I know now that she did the best job she could, but we never had that mother daughter thing I yearned for. I remember being in a restaurant one time when I was very young. I watched a young girl about my age having lunch with her mother. I remember it so clearly. They were laughing together, and the way they looked at each other.....just a look of love, acceptance, and friendship. Jerry loved me, I know she did, but we never had that relationship. We limped through my adolescence, doing our best. My parents had lots of financial problems which kept their lives very stressful. The really good news is before she passed away we mended the parts of our lives that had been broken. As I have gotten older and have some stress in my life as well, I understand why things happened the way they did. I not only have put the negative things behind me, but I have realized how much I learned from things not being perfect.

I believe in the law of compensation And you know that time I described in the restaurant, the scene with the mother and daughter? The one I wanted so badly? I have that with all of my children. They are not only wonderful children that I love ferociously, but great friends too. I have only been married once...to a wonderful man who simply and completely loves me. the greatest gift of my married life is I have never, not even once, doubted him. So for all of the circuitous twists my childhood took, I didn't repeat the really hard parts.

Life can be a great teacher.

I want to wish my three moms a Happy Mother's Day. I honor them all, and thank them for their sacrifices, their love and for all they added to my life.

Thank you Opal Leigh, Madeline and Jerry....

Donny and Marie Marry!! I Mean Marie and Steve Remarry!!

It has been a big week for me. Kate And Will get married...have to get a gift for them...then we finally find Osama, thank goodness for GPS. And now today I have to find another gift because Marie Osmond remarries her first husband...in her first wedding dress.

Was that part of the deal? Like if she didn't fit into the dress she couldn't get married? Sort of like if the shoe doesn't fit......I think I have been reading too many fairy tales.......

Best of luck to the happy couple...