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Thursday, June 30, 2011

32 years ago about that? And they said it would never last....take a lesson - never underestimate the power of pure stubbornness.

And fear.....

My husband and I met during a very non religious time for both of us. We had to look high and low for a church to get married in. My family was not religious at all, and it didn't matter where we were married, but my soon-to-be husband's family was very Catholic, and very interested in a Catholic wedding. So we found a Catholic Church that would marry us. The Priests we found at St. Francis were fabulous about the whole thing, all they said was you have to come to counseling before we will agree to marry you. OK, fair enough, we can do that, 12 weeks you say? OK, we can do that....(yikes!) so we show up for our first session and the Priest takes one look at us and says, "You know if you get married in the Catholic Church you must raise your children Catholic."

We hadn't even talked about children much less how they were going to be raised. We were more of a "in the moment" kind of a couple. It just shows how prepared we were. Not at all. When Brother John was about to marry us, I whispered in his ear please don't say, "Until death do you part." I always believed that marriage was forever. He was good with that and off to the races we went.

My very Catholic, very Italian new mother-in-law met me in the foyer after the wedding and looked me straight in the eye and said, "there are no divorces in this family." Because I had been married for 3 minutes and we hadn't had a single fight yet....I assured her that sounded good to me too. I have always loved my mother and father-in-law, they are the best. And even though my mother-in-law passed away far too soon, her influence in our family is real.

Our wedding day, June 29th, 1979 was 117 degrees in Las torture for even the most ardent desert dweller. Want to know what it did to my new husband's family from New Jersey? I think one of his cousins actually melted. There weren't a lot of return visits from his family....especially in June.

I am not going to say that because my mother-in-law told me there were no divorces in the family that that is the reason we have stayed together......but the fact is marriage is very important to them. And they taught that to my husband. Example is a powerful thing. I worry sometimes that I am a terrible example to my children. We aren't the husband and wife team who never fight or at best hide all the fights....we get irritated regularly...and hide nothing. But we make up and then wake up to another day. Passion runs high for both of us. When folks tell me they never fight I don't know how to react to that. Does that mean we are simply dysfunctional, or could they just be big donkey liars?

We take that "for better or worse" out for a spin almost every day.

Marriage isn't easy, and staying married isn't easy either. But it is the best thing I have done. It is wonderful to have someone to share memories and a few dreams with. It is good to have someone to hug any time I want to. But mostly it is good to be with someone who remembers that once upon a time I had a waistline. Dang menopause.....while I am at it, dang pizza, french bread and pie.

I have made two decisions in my life without ever looking back...neither decision gave me a moments regret or even so much as a second thought. It was just right. One was becoming a member of the Mormon church and the other was marrying my husband. Both decisions were as incongruent as could be for a girl like me. I was a Southern girl marrying an Italian boy from New Jersey, and yes my family considered him a Yankee. He liked salami, provolone and something called calamari. I was Mormon and liked everything fried......he came from a large family, I was an only child. He thought crystal stemware must be cheap because it broke so easily in the dishwasher (6 at one time....30 years ago and I'm still not over it) I hated the cold and chestnuts are nasty. One time he actually wanted to put them in my stuffing.....ha!

We have had some obstacles to overcome.....but we came to simply accept what we couldn't fact we are still doing that, still overcoming obstacles. But I root for the Yankees with wild abandon and he's is funny that way. Especially the part about rooting for the Yankees.

I have never one time in the whole time we have been married ever doubted him. And that is my greatest blessing.

Thank you darlin', I love you!!