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Friday, January 25, 2013

Miracles Do Occur

We go through life expecting a certain outcome.  We get in the car and expect to end up where we planned on going.  We expect everyone to come home at the end of the day.  We expect the blender to work when we flip a switch, the oven to turn on and the vacuum to work.  We expect the remote to change channels and the bread to be fresh when we buy it.

And we are shocked when that doesn't occur.  Have you ever turned on the oven and waited for it to get hot only to discover it, "wernt (a word my dad always used) never gonna get hot." ?

It is funny how we expect things to go a certain way as though we have some kind of guarantee.  But there isn't a guarantee.  Things go wrong.....a lot.  Appliances break, people have car problems, we lose buttons, and papers.  Sometimes we forget to pay a bill.  We get turned down for things, broccoli gets stuck in our teeth and sometimes we burp exactly when we shouldn't.

But occasionally in the midst of things going wrong, something goes incredibly, inexplicably right.  

I have found I am not very grateful, I expect to be without a headache, I expect there to be money in the bank, I expect my hair to turn out and I expect the milk to be fresh.  So when those things don't occur I am shocked, angry and frankly indignant!  How dare the world not spin just for me?  I am kind of a Scarlet O'Hara, but without the really tiny waistline. 

Earth life, as far as I can tell, is a place for us to see what we are made of.  God already knows us completely,  we just have to find out for ourselves.  How do we react when no one is looking?  How much can we go through?  How kind can we be?  What do you do when push comes to shove?

The reason for this posting today is tell my little story.  One year ago my son told me about pain he was having in his shoulders.  He didn't know where it was from, he plays football in college so we assumed that is what caused it, even though Mikey said it just came from no where.  So we did what anyone would do, we went to the doctor provided by our very expensive health insurance.  (premiums we pay for ourselves.)   He didn't have a diagnosis.  He simply said, "It won't get better, it won't get worse."  We thought that was odd, but we are trusting people, so he shot him with cortisone and off we went. 

The relief lasted 2 months.

Back to the Doctor in March, this time he got a MRI.  Results show?  Nothing... according to the Doctor, no diagnosis, more shots.  Spring football starts, lifting starts, and the pain is now keeping him up at night. 

We go back to the doctor the end of May, more shots, no diagnosis....see ya!!  Now we are starting to wonder what is going on, the pain never got better, and football, which is how he pays for college so it is like his job,  is about to start.  He gets more shots in August and not one doctor has tried to make this better, they just mask the problem.

He has a pretty miserable season because he was hurting all the time.  We had no idea what to do.  So I sent all of his xrays, MRI and doctor notes to our cousin back East who is an orthopedic surgeon.  He tells us it can be treated with a 30 minute arthroscopic surgery.  No one suggested that before.  A diagnosis and a plan!

So he went back to the doctor in December (on our insurance we can only see one orthopedic practice - so he asked to see another doctor in the practice) With all of his papers, 3 case studies on the kind of problem he had to show the doctor according to our cousin.  The new doctor?  Well he started off with, you will never play football again, I will have to put a plate in, and here are some more shots!!  He was devastated, it was no longer about football, it was about being in constant pain with not one doctor trying to help him.  We had no where else to go.  The only orthopedic practice he could go to has basically ended all of his options.  With no recourse and no relief.  Except now the news is he will never play football again.

But here is the miracle...and it does happen.  It is not in me to give up, especially when I know there is an answer.  So we went to see the patient advocate at the orthopedic practice...face to face.  She could see he had never gotten a real diagnosis.   So she reached out to the insurance company to help us get another opinion from a whole different doctor. Miracle.... How she was able to see that and the doctors couldn't is still a mystery, but I am so grateful she did. The insurance company gave us authorization to go to a highly recommended doctor which we did one week later.  Another miracle..He diagnosed the problem in a 30 minute visit...all very similar to our cousin.  Another miracle....

Two weeks later he had the surgery and right now he is going to rehab and taking loritabs.  It was a bit more extensive than they thought since he had been playing and lifting on a problem that was simply masked.  He was lucky it wasn't worse.  Another miracle.

The new Doctor said he would be just fine.  Do you hear that other doctors?  He will be just fine.

So back to my original thesis...we expect a certain outcome, and we are shocked when it doesn't occur.  I expected the doctor to help him.  He must have known about the surgery Mikey eventually got, why didn't he offer it?  I am grateful to the patient advocate, I know she went out on a limb to help us.  And I am so grateful we were able to go to a doctor who was able to fix the problem......I know Mikey was watched over.  I don't know why the process took so long, but I feel there was a purpose to the whole situation.  I may never know what it is, but there was a reason.  I feel it, just like I felt there was an answer to his pain.  Feelings go a long way.  Don't ignore them.

The moral of my story?.....never, ever give up.  If you feel something isn't right, incomplete, or wrong, trust your instincts.  Keep going until you are satisfied.  It is the right thing to do.  If you have to play the Braveheart speech a million times to gird up your loins to handle it, do it.  Never let anyone tell you to accept what you know is wrong.

And never stop expecting miracles, even in the middle of a bad situation, good things can still occur.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

PTWB (Post Traumatic Writer's Block)

So I have missed writing...putting words on a page is something that makes me happy.  I was so busy in December that I couldn't concentrate on writing..I would only have a minute or two, and it just didn't work.

Then my computer stopped working.

I could use the ipad (not good for writing - typing on an ipad is like running without shoes, you can do it, but it isn't comfortable) or use Ashleigh's computer.  I hate using someone else's computer, for one thing where is spell check?  I mean I knew where spell check was on my computer, but not on this one.  It is not good to use someone else's computer....It just seems too personal for some reason.  However I did discover how to back space fast.  Hey, I am not good with computers anyway, but I went from a PC to this Mac.  Not easy at all.

So, here is how it went down...I didn't have time to write, I was uncomfortable with a different computer...And then I discovered all of these weird, quirky "things" about myself.  Like I am no longer flexible, I get anxious too easily, and I worry too much.  So now I can't write unless everything is perfect.  Who am I?  Then I saw a website filled with the "rooms writers write in".   I was in good company except for one thing,  they were writing....I had writer's block and I was quirky.

Not sure how the quirkiness is going to wear.

My new found quirkiness has changed me completely, I still like Stevie Nicks and James Taylor....I loved the sparkly stuff at Christmas, and the music... I love decorating for Christmas.

Lemon bars.  I really like lemon bars, and s'more bars.

I like to put a ton of blankets on my bed scrunch under them and pretend I am in a cabin in the woods.

I love that herb tea with the cinnamon and spices in it.  I think it is called Cinnamon and spice, I found it at Costco.  It really is quite fabulous...

I love Duck Dynasty!  My fathers side of the family is from Louisiana,  so all the accents, food and foolishness is so much fun.

I know this post is a bit odd.  I will go watch the Braveheart Speech and muscle through the quirkiness.

Love to you all.