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Thursday, August 16, 2018

And The Journey Continues....Endure!!!

When I woke up from my surgery I knew pretty quickly challenges lay ahead. I didn't know how many, or to what extent, but I was alive and ready to take on all comers. 

I mean I lived, right? Wouldn't that qualify as the hard part? 

Oh the things we think...

My body changed its shape after the surgery -  it was part of the door prize.

Forget what four children or menopause did to me....

Or gravity...

Nothing like emergency open heart surgery to alter a body in ways you never thought was possible. I remember someone visiting me in the hospital and whispering in my ear, "I am so glad you are alive I bet you lose some weight from this." It's true I have been on a diet since 8th grade but even I winced at that one. I've tried Atkins, Paleo, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem...none have really been effective so lets try open heart surgery! Yes!! That's the ticket! Why didn't I think of that before?

Oh, good grief....

The first few months after surgery I realized none of the muscles in the front of my body were working at all. There had been several tubes inserted there and of course the actual incision reached all the way down to there. I couldn’t suck in my stomach if I tried and then inexplicably I gained 25 pounds. How is this possible? Everyone else I read about said they had no appetite after surgery, however my appetite seemed to survive the trauma just fine. Like a cockroach after an atomic bomb. But I kept saying "I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive". I survived as a little round person wearing the exact same clothes everyday because nothing else fit. If I tipped over I would simply roll around like one of those funny little black bugs. And yet I still chanted, "I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive"

But now as you know I am exercising, pumping iron, slinging ropes, bouncing off large balls and jumping on ellipticals! Three days a week the good people at Biometrix put me through what can only be referred to as the absolute best way to get into shape. But it isn’t easy...

You know I give it my all, it’s just that I get to all a little faster than everyone else. Sometimes it's all I can do to just get to the gym. I look at them and wonder if they are kidding when they suggest I do something I haven't done in years. My evil angels are always looking out for me and whisper in my ear, "Are you crazy? Go back to bed, leave that stuff to the young people who have no real sense anyway. They watch the Bachelor for hell's sake!" And then I hear Anthony, Sarah and Josh tell me age means nothing unless I let it. They remind me I won't get hurt, be too sore to walk or give up." And that's all I need..someone to believe in me, because unfortunately I don't. So not only do I have to regroup the physical I have to regroup the psychological and stop listening to voices who tell me its too late and I am too out of shape. I am all that is in the way, and I am the only one who can get out of my way.

Those voices are lethal if you are trying to change. So I stop when I hear them and say the most simple thing imaginable.


No need to scream it, just say it. A voice comes into your head that is negative in any way. Stop what you are doing and say to yourself


Now you try...


Hopefully you didn't say it out loud, not everyone reads my blog, don't frighten people. But when those thoughts come and whisper you can't do it, you are too old or tired, you don't have time, people will laugh, no one thinks you can do it, you don't think you can do it, you will get hurt, you don't have anything to wear, and then the's just too late. None of that is true. You can get into better shape, you can lose weight if you want to. But no one can do it for you. You have to make the effort to change and you have to find the right voices to listen to. 

I admit the exercises I do sometimes feel like dating a Rubiks Cube, but that's because I haven't done anything but walk in a long, long time. Lifting weights isn't easy and getting stronger isn't happening fast, but I know it's getting better. This morning when I finished my circuits (we do 3 exercises to a circuit and there are either 3 or 4 circuits) I still had a will to live. I also know (because Anthony told me) that my recovery rate is getting better. They take our heart rates about 8 times during the workout and measure how quickly our heart rates go up and how fast they go back down. Who knew recovery time was a measure of fitness? 

Next time we start the discussion of food...which is everyone's challenge. But we are going to face it, challenge it and light it on fire!!