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Friday, July 3, 2015

A Little Marriage Advice....

Flowers by Ray Ray - Kelly Andrews wedding
Today is my anniversary....I have done the impossible for 36 years.  Ginger Rodgers said, "I do everything Fred Astaire does, only I do it backwards, and in heels."  I'm not minimizing my husband in our marriage because, he has done plenty of dancing and has spent a lot of time tryng to dodge my "heels".   Not wanting to make the plans for today,  I mentioned it was an even year and he was in charge of what we do.  Even with that I did suggest we go to the Bellagio for lunch.  Immediately he said, "The Bellagio Buffet!"  to which I said, "no buffet, I hate buffets, I eat too much and I feel like a tick afterward"

We ate at the buffet.  It's an even year.

Lesson 1.  Pick your battles. Most annoying things aren't nearly as annoying as you think.  Just start chanting in your head.  Insisting on being right all the time isn't as satisfying as you may think.  Sometimes just being quiet is a very good thing.

Lesson 2. To my gay and lesbian friends advice to you is the same as for anyone else. You have now gone from a comitted relationship to an institution with a 60% chance of failure.  The heterosexuals haven't been great with it.  I can help my gay friends with advice but not my lesbian friends, I am too conflicted since I think the woman is always right.  So lesson #2 is be loyal, in everything.  Don't say negative things about your husband to your mom, or complain about your wife to the family.

Lesson 3. Remember normal is only normal if it is your normal.  In our house I watch football and my husband watches the Barefoot Contessa.  I like to write, he arranges flowers, and I kill the bugs.

Lesson 4.  To the newly married....if anyone tells you not to go to bed angry....ignore them!  I cannot think of a worse time to fight or discuss, than when you are exhausted.  And most importantly when your spouse is going nuts, yelling and out of control, don't believe a single thing they say.  No one tells the truth when they are in "the vortex".  Might as well start chanting in your head again.

Lesson 5. To my friends with a suddenly empty nest,  don't panic and thnk you won't have anything to say to your spouse..  The kids will be back....there aren't any jobs out there they can support themselves with.  Problem solved you still don't have to talk.

Leson 6. To my retired friends.  Respect space because everyone needs time to think.  But more than that stay married.  The grass isn't greener., the men aren't better somewhere else and the women aren't prettier.  If you are having problems find a therapist work it out and then ride it out, it at all possible. Dare to believe you might be part of the problem.

Today I looked at my husband and said, "I would marry you again."  He said, "me too."

That's all I can ask.  And next year is an odd year, no buffet.