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Saturday, June 24, 2017

The Psychic Boob Job


I have a problem, you see I am funny and it's not coming through anymore. I have allowed the slings and arrows of life to impair the vision that always saw the funny. If I couldn't see the funny I made it up. Some call that artistic license, some story telling and some sad, hopeless folks call it lying. If I couldn't make something funny of "anything" then "anything" won and that would never do.

For instance, when my husband hired a man named Bulldog to hang curtains in our den right before a wedding in that same den, you know it will be funny. Bulldog's job resume consisted of sitting at the bar of the casino my husband managed. Who wouldn't think he was the perfect candidate for hanging curtains before an important occasion? Within a few minutes of trying to hang the curtains, he missed and put the drill through the window. Then spent the rest of the day removing all the glass and I tried to find someone to install a new window. While getting ready for a wedding nothing is as relaxing as the sound of breaking glass no matter what anyone tells you.

Which brings me to today..... I have to get this off my chest, in fact, there is a weight on my shoulders that is shifting south even as we speak. An impending psychic boob job. Remember my quest to find the funny in everything again?  Well, a dear friend came over the other day with zucchinis. After the initial vegetable oohs and aahs she got quiet and asked me if I had considered all people have gifts. My first thought was about regular gifts, like with paper and ribbon. Since most of my thoughts stay in a perpetual state of "party" I wasn't thinking personal gifts or gifts of the spirit, but she was. Intrigued I made a big paradigm shift and listened more closely. She told me about a friend of hers with a special gift who attended a wedding at my home a few days before. She had received a message for me. Because I had never met her this was indeed curious. It seems she is a "reader" or a "psychic" and my friend was hesitant because she couldn't know how I would react to news from a psychic, but she felt she needed to tell me.

Our conversation went a bit like this....

"My friend wanted you to know something about your health" Oh, health has been an issue since open heart surgery for an aortic dissection last November. I am a bit paranoid about it...and sick of doctors, medications, and the limitations since.

With more than a little trepidation I asked, "What does she want me to know?"

"That you aren't out of the woods yet."



"You need to rest every day, take a nap even."  That works, so far so good, this begs just one more question...

"Anything else?"

"Yes, she said you need to get a mammogram and especially check your right breast."

My first reaction was after all the heart stuff I have endured I'm to go back to thinking about the regular stuff that can go wrong? It's true I have put off pap smears, mammograms, skin cancer screenings and colonoscopies for endless blood tests, stress tests, EKGs, and ultrasounds. I foolishly thought I was immune to regular catastrophes. So thank goodness God sent a psychic to remind me to take care of the girls.

In order to honor cosmic forces, I spent 2 hours on the phone the very next day scheduling tests and doctor appointments. What's funny about this? Well, who does this happen to?
Considering most people get a card in the mail as a reminder for upcoming tests, I got a psychic!

After this is over I will contact my friend to let her know all is well and to please thank her friend for the psychic boob job!