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Saturday, June 7, 2014

I am afraid I made a mistake

Nothing happier than dog with his head out the window!!

Here is how it started, "I need to tell you there was an unfavorable review...."


OK, so we have all had those moments.  That kick in the gut moment when you made a mistake, or did something someone didn't like.  That know that moment.... Yikes!  We hate that moment!

But guess what boys and girls it happens to everyone!  Isn't that wonderful?  You are not the only one.  However our negative default emotion goes to, "I am the only one."  You fill in the blank;

I am the only one to.....

Have money problems
Have children problems
Have marriage problems
Have health problems

Here's another...

I am the only one struggling with something new that I cannot figure out and I am doomed to be a failure...I can't do it.  

Then we are surrounded by Pinterest-ish quotes like, "if you think you can or you think you can't, you're right."  So now that means everyone is figuring it out but you.  Obviously people are reading this and saying, "I can do it!"  they are going forward losing weight, running marathons, having picture perfect children and successful husbands or adoring wives......

If that is you, you are listening to the wrong tapes.

Let's discuss my change.

I didn't fall apart when I read that sad email, but I would have last summer.  Just last summer I was finishing up a full 10 years of experiencing horrible fear.  Fear of had chased out any bit of faith or confidence I had.  I was so unhappy...So horribly unhappy.

But then I met a woman who helped me look fear in the face so to say.  I did a lot of work changing the way I looked at things and especially how I think.  I began to see life is a series of choices.  I needed to stop choosing fear.  She asked me at our first session what I wanted to get out of our time together.  I sat there a puddle of goo and told her I wanted to be happy.  I did not think it was possible...but it is.

I know it sounds so easy....just choose happy....but like almost everything important it is easy.  

So when I received that email I spent a moment feeling terrible.  I had offered what I thought was my best and they didn't like it, I was rejected.  Rejection is an emotion that will leave us with a void.  And that void is often filled immediately with fear, self-loathing, lack of confidence, depression.  Those were my default responses so I had to work hard to change my thinking.  I couldn't listen to the voices that were telling me I wasn't good enough, or smart enough, or talented enough.  And the topper voice...."What makes you think you can do that?" 

 I have found better voices to listen to.  But it requires remembering.

Remembering God wants me to be a success.  

I have learned to do my best and let it go.  I imagine great things now..I "see it"  before it happens, just like Tom Brady.  Whatever I am doing I see the whole thing, the preparation, the process and the result.  Anxiety disapates and confidence has a place in my head.  I already saw it, it can happen.  And then peace..... 

I have also incorporated 4 agreements...I love the fearless attitude of Miguel Angel Ruiz who wrote them.  These 4 agreements do not conflict with my Mormon faith...they prove we are all looking for the same thing.  The one thing all people want is to be happy, and following these simple steps have helped me.

  1. Be Impeccable With Your Word.
  2. Don't Take Anything Personally.
  3. Don't Make Assumptions.
  4. Always Do Your Best.

With my unfavorable review I chose to use the four agreement as a transparency to put it right over it.  This is what I did.

1.) I emailed her immediately and told her I was sorry it hadn't worked out.  I said I would incorporate the changes she wanted, and then thanked her for giving me another chance.  

2.)I remembered I was good at what I do.  It was just this one thing that didn't work.  

3.)I didn't assume she was without taste anyway so how could she critique me?  

4.)I reassured myself that I do try hard to do my best.  But that doesn't mean everyone, every time, is going to like "my best".  That's ok, there is plenty of work for us all.

I slept just fine last night.  

Quite a change from last year, I am so blessed to have found help.  So my advice to you is when you start to feel fear...Stop!  Those negative thoughts are not real, they are just thoughts and you can be a success.  Exchange those thoughts right away.  It takes practice, but it works

Choose happy!!

Your welcome.