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Sunday, October 19, 2014

Oh, My....

This has been the busiest last four days...well, maybe not the busiest.  But far busier than I am comfortable with.  I don't mind working but I do mind working too much.  My grandmother would always say to me, "I am not afraid of work, I can lay down right beside it and go to sleep." I don't understand overachieving at things we don't have to overachieve on.

Like natural childbirth.

I tried it...it was awful!!  They lied to me, they said the childbirth process is beautiful...you don't need medication.  What a pile of excrement...I bought into all that focal point stuff only to discover it is hard to concentrate on focal points when you are screaming in pain.  I know it will not be written on your  tombstone that you endured natural childbirth.  Horrible pain versus one shot for total bliss?  Not really a coin toss in my book.

There are a lot of things I either bought into, or felt guilty that I didn't do.  It seems children who are put to bed at a decent hour each night, are no smarter or responsible than children who simply fell asleep on the floor.  Hey, don't judge, I put a blanket on them...

And then there was nursing.  I was a nursing mom because I had children when the La Leche League ruled the world of young moms.  If you didn't nurse your children you were not a good mother. Don't tell anyone but I did it because it was cheap and easy.  No bottles to wash and no formula to buy.  Bonus?  I looked like the perfect mom.   We were told cows milk is for calves and giving them milk was practically poison.  However, my children still got allergies, they got colds, and that stupid RSV thing (while I was nursing by the way).  Cure all?  Nope...

How about moms working?  There was a fence 10 miles high between working moms and stay at home moms.  For awhile the working moms were winning....what do you do?  They would ask...knowing I was obviously too stupid to actually get a job since all I did was wander around my house in my bathrobe.  I usually came back with my usual, "I am a rice farmer."  Then the stay at home moms won for awhile when it turned out being at home with children was actually rewarding.  Then too many working moms left the work force for the PTA....I remember volunteering with a woman who used to be some big deal at a hotel on the strip.  She started making it all work and serious...like our $500 fundraiser wasn't good enough.  She changed things around, raised $37,000 and put in a petting zoo....guess who had to feed the goats?

It seems all of our kids came out the same...with just as many problems and just as many successes.  What a lot of wasted time trying to decide who was right, not to mention a lot of hurt feelings.   I met a woman who told me she prayed about what she was supposed to do every day and assumed everyone else did too.  Who was she to judge someone's decision? That was simple brilliant logic.

Who is right and who is wrong?

And Martha Stewart with her revolution of being everything, doing everything and being perfect.  It was a relief when she went to jail, we could practically eat out of cans without feeling guilty it wasn't made from scratch.  Wasn't it amazing when we found out all those things she seemed to be doing herself was done by a staff?  Here I was chopping my wood and carrying my water and she was just pointing to things that needed to be done.  

Oh, Martha

Low fat, non fat, carbs are good, carbs are the devil, Protein only, vegans, vegetarians and juicers.   Do you know I found a notebook of my mothers after she had passed where she had carefully journaled, everything she  ate and how the diet she was on was working.  That is the only writing I have of hers....a journal of food she ate.

What is right and what is wrong?

It's all very clear now that
I don't know very much, and the experts I listened to knew even less.
One great thing about getting older is I don't have to be right, and if I think you are wrong I don't have to tell you about it.  I don't have to be right...
All those rules, all those hoops I jumped through, all the parenting books, marriage books, diet books, exercise books.......all the millions of self help books.....turns out the best advice was.....

"Go to bed at 10 and get up at 6 and let the day take care of itself"  Gordon B. Hinckley






20 comments:

  1. The fewer rules, the better, imho!

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    1. I am starting to find that the fewer of everything is ideal....how are you feeling?

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  2. I love your grandmother's quote. Too funny. And this is exactly what I've come to realize of late: "One great thing about getting older is I don't have to be right, and if I think you are wrong I don't have to tell you about it." (Though I *do* still stick it to my husband when he really is really, really wrong!) :-D

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    1. My grandmother was one of a kind.....I stick it to my husband too!!

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  3. If we could only live by Gordon's logic -- wouldn't it be easy? I've always been a rule breaker.

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    1. I try....but I stay up too late, get up too early and then pay for it all day long!!

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  4. The Older I get.. the LESS I know that I know. But I don't stress about it. THanks for this!

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    1. I know what you mean.....there are some things I found out along the way that are still useful, but lots of it......not so much

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  5. You are so right...the older I get - the more I realize I don't know - but I am OK with it, too!!! Love the last quote!!!

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    1. I am also ok with not knowing much.....someday in a place far, far away I will know everything and it will be incredible

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  6. All you can ever really do is your best!

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    1. I wish I knew what my best really was.....

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  7. Just this weekend my husband and I talked about the year we let our 4 year old sleep anywhere she wanted in the house, which was always on the floor, close to us. We were just excited she was sleeping. She's now 20 and living in Europe, so I guess we did ok! I always believed that as long as I failed with love, it wasn't really failing.Still do believe that, most of the time, anyway.

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    1. so happy to find another mom like me!! and my kids are fine too. I like the idea of failing with love.....its true

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  8. It's funny to me that nowadays young moms are told not to let their babies sleep on their stomachs and not to put baby bumpers in the crib. I think most of our kids did just fine with both! But there's always something new to make parents worry.

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    1. I am going to make a terrible grandmother, in case any of my children ever figure out how that works....I loved the bumpers, they slept on their stomachs and I ate bacon.....

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  9. LOVE IT!! You point out how easy it is for us to be led into believing what is right based on the agenda of others and how important it is for us to listen to our internal voice to do what feels right to us.

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    1. my internal voice isn't loud enough sometimes, but it is way smarter than I am....I am just a poor girl easily led astray...

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  10. Wow! So much pressure on those who think too much! My feeling is "Don't worry Be happy" things have a way of always working out if you use your conscious as your guide and do what feels good to you. Sounds like you did everything just right!

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    1. Thank you for reading!! I have a question for you, what is the best way to contact you? PM on Facebook?

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